After the crash
by sunshine2171
Summary: I thought the crash might be a hook for getting Jen and Tilly talking again...
1. Chapter 1

Jen pulls her overnight bag from the back of her jeep and closes the door. She walks round to the driver's side and locks the car before turning towards the house. She looks up at the clear, dark sky as her breath forms wispy clouds in the cool, November air. She notes with a frown that the house is in darkness. Unusual for Diane to be out on a Saturday evening. She checks her watch. 5.15pm. Still early then. Maybe Diane is out shopping. She lets herself in and drops her bags on the floor, then turns on the light. She is puzzled again at the sight of Diane's normally clinically clean kitchen in disarray. There are pots and pans full of half-cooked food scattered about on the hob and kitchen counters. "Diane?" calls Jen. She walks towards the stairs and louder now, "Diane?".

There is no response, so Jen shrugs and walks back to the kitchen. It's only then that she spies the note on the kitchen table.

_There's been an accident... gone to the hospital. Sorry about the mess. D_

"Oh god" says Jen out loud. She looks around her assuming that the accident has happened here, such is the chaos. She is indecisive but only for a moment. Her and Diane have become close. She picks up her handbag and heads back to the car.

She arrives at the hospital and is overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in the casualty waiting room, many of whom seem traumatized. There is a queue at the reception desk and she looks around, uncertain. She pulls her mobile out of her bag and pauses briefly before trying Diane's number. She is surprised when Diane picks up almost immediately.

"Hello?"

"Diane? It's Jen, are you OK?"

"Me? Yes, I'm fine. I'm with Sinead."

"Sinead?"

"Yeah, there's been a terrible accident..."

"Diane.. I'm here at the hospital... there's so many people.."

"You're here? Hold on then, I'll come get you. Are you in the waiting room?"

"Yes."

"Stay there." says Diane.

Jen puts her phone away and only has to wait a few seconds before she spies Diane walking through a set of double doors to the right hand side of the reception desk. Diane beckons to her and Jen approaches.

"What's happened?" asks Jen. "Is Sinead OK?"

"She's pregnant!" says Diane through gritted teeth.

"Huh?" says Jen, really confused now.

"Oh, sorry love. Sinead was in an accident. The kids... the stupid lot of them... took it into their heads to steal a minibus and they somehow managed to crash it into a whole wedding full of people." Diane scrapes her fingers through her hair.

"But... what? And Sinead?" asks Jen absorbing the information slowly.

"She's fine.. a few cuts and bruises is all... but we just found out she's pregnant and I'm spitting mad. I know I shouldn't focus on that... you know people have died... but..."

"Died?" asks Jen in shock now.

"Oh god, listen to me... I'm making a right mess of this... and these are your students too... sorry love. Jono pulled most of them out of the van seconds before it exploded but he couldn't get Neil out in time. Maddie got out but the explosion blew the van door off which landed on her. Sinead saw it happen... sounds like a horror film...She'll be having nightmares for months poor kid..." Jen lets the information sink in and before she can stop herself she says.

"Tilly? Is Tilly OK?". Diane frowns suspiciously at Jen and rolls her eyes. But then her expression turns to puzzlement.

"Sinead didn't mention Tilly."

Jen's mind is reeling and her heart is racing. What if Tilly was in the crash? Was she dead/hurt? They haven't spoken in months and when they had spoken they had both said cruel things to each other...but the thought of never seeing her again is too much. She is distracted suddenly by the sight of George coming through the same set of double doors through which Diane had appeared. They both turn to him. His suit is dishevelled and there are blood stains on it. A cut on his head has been sewn up and neatly dressed. He is leaning on Callum.

"George!" say Diane and Jen in unison.

"Hello." says George, weakly.

"Are you alright love?" asks Diane kindly.

George doesn't answer and looks like he is holding back tears. Callum steps in. "He's OK. Just a nasty cut and a bit of shock. They said I could take him home."

Jen can't help herself. She needs to know.

"George... is Tilly OK?"

The three of them turn to look at her in surprise.

"Tilly?" says George. "Tilly wasn't even there..." says George in puzzlement. "Maddie and Neil are dead!" he tells Jen crossly.

"Come on George, let's get you home... " says Callum in soothing tones. He puts his arm around his friend and steers him towards the exit.

"I'm sorry George." says Jen meekly to his back as the two boys walk away. She avoids making eye contact with Diane. But her inward relief is palpable.

"Listen, I'd better get back to Sinead... she's pretty upset too." says Diane wearily.

"Can I do anything?" asks Jen sincerely.

Diane looks appeased. "No, I don't think so love. I don't suppose we'll be too long. I'll see you back at home OK?"

"Yeah, see you there. I'm glad she's OK" says Jen squeezing Diane's arm reassuringly. Diane nods and turns back to the double doors, but then turns back at the last moment.

"You won't tell anyone?... About the pregnancy I mean..." says Diane, lowering her voice for the second part of her question.

"Of course not!" says Jen. Diane nods again and leaves.

Jen turns back to the waiting room and takes in the scene again, this time enlightened by the new information. She notes that many of the people are dressed up... as if for a wedding. 'Good grief' she thinks. 'So many people...is this all from the same accident?' she wonders. She recognizes some of the people from the village, many are crying, clearly in shock. She feels useless and is on the brink of leaving when she spots a lonely figure sat in the very corner of the room. The girl is wearing a fleecey cardigan with the hood pulled up around her head so it's hard to tell but could it be...? It is, it's Tilly. She is given away by a lock of her amber hair which has escaped the hood and fallen onto her face which is, at that moment, pointed determinedly down at the highly-polished hospital floor.

Jen takes two steps towards Tilly but then stops. Tilly's only spoken a few words to her in months and none of them have been kind. She bites her lip, not sure what to do. Tilly must have sensed her because she looks up and stares directly into Jen's eyes. Tilly has clearly been crying and Jen's heart melts as she sees the vulnerability there. She approaches and sits down beside Tilly and rests her hand on Tilly's back.

"Tilly.. I'm so sorry." Jen says.

Tilly throws herself into Jen's arms and muffles her sobs into Jen's neck and shoulder. Jen can feel the warm moisture of Tilly's breath and tears against her skin and holds onto her with her right arm whilst stroking Tilly's back with her left. Tilly's sobs subside slightly and she pulls back a bit and looks up at Jen.

Jen smiles gently at her and rubs her arm. "What happened? George said you weren't there?"

"I wasn't... I got into a row with Maddie... the last words I spoke to her... I was so mad...and now she's dead!" Tilly dissolves into tears again and puts her head into her hands.

"Shhhh, it's OK. It's just.. they were just words..." soothes Jen.

"No!" says Tilly looking angry now. "They weren't just words... I meant it... she's been a right... bitch.. to Esther and... I don't know... but now... now she's dead and, and ...Neil... Neil never hurt anyone..." she is incoherent again and Jen pulls her into a hug making soothing sounds as Tilly cries out her anguish. Forgetting ehere they are, she pulls down Tilly's hood and kisses the top of her head.

Tilly feels it and pulls back looking into Jen's eyes with surprise.

"Sorry..." says Jen, confused.

"No... I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry... I-I was so awful to you at school... I just.. I didn't know what to do with myself and I hated you for just switching us off like that... like I meant nothing to you..." Tilly looks down at the floor.

"Tilly... it wasn't like that... " started Jen... but then she notices that Tilly is shivering and very, very pale. "Tilly... are you OK? You look like you're going to pass out..."

"I don't know." Admits Tilly. "I didn't eat anything... I was too upset and now..." Tilly puts her hands up indicating the chaos that is the waiting room around them. It reminds Jen that they are in quite a public place. She wonders briefly if anyone has seen them together, but she shrugs it off.

"Who are you here with?" she asks Tilly.

Tilly looks surprised by the question. "No-one... I just came when I heard the news. I saw Esther... but I don't know where she is now."

"Look. I'll take you home. OK?"

"There's no-one there..." shrugs Tilly.

"Alright then...Diane's going to be here for a bit with Sinead. Why don't I take you back to ours and get you something to eat?"

"I dunno... I feel like I should stay here..."

"Well... I saw George"

Tilly looks up. "George?"

"Yes but he's gone home now... so I'm not sure you can do anything here and if you don't eat something, they'll be admitting you before too long!" says Jen firmly. "Come on." She stands up and holds out her hand to Tilly. Tilly nods and takes Jen's hand in hers allowing Jen to pull her up. Jen overdoes it a bit and Tilly ends up stood very close. Both become aware of the intimacy and are suddenly awkward.

Jen moves first and Tilly follows her out to her car. The ride to Jen's house is quiet. Both women overwhelmed by the sudden change in their relationship and Tilly still in shock. When they arrive, the house is still in darkness. Tilly shivers and Jen rubs her arms in an attempt to warm her.

"Here... sit down... I'll turn the heating up." Tilly sits at the kitchen table and watches as Jen flicks on the heating and walks around the room turning on lights and straightening the cushions on the sofa. She smiles at Tilly and makes her way back to the kitchen. She puts the kettle on first. "Right... let's have some nice hot tea. And..." She pulls some lids off a few of the pans... "Hmm...I think it's spaghetti bolognese... let me see if I can revive this..." She lights the hob and gives the sauce a stir, then tests the pasta with her fingers. "Hmm. Think we'll chuck that... there's some fresh bread though..." Tilly smiles a weak, but encouraging smile. Jen pours hot water into a mug and squishes the teabag with a spoon. She piles in 3 heaped teaspoons of sugar frowning as Tilly objects mildly. "Sugar for the shock...drink!" she insists pushing the mug into Tilly's hands.

Tilly does as she is told, grimacing at the overly sweetened taste. She starts to feel warmer though and the smell of the food warming makes her mouth water and her stomach growl. Jen tastes the meat sauce and is unimpressed. "Hmm... shall I add a bit of chilli?" she looks to Tilly who nods approvingly. Jen adds some more ingredients to the sauce until she is satisfied with the taste. She pours two smallish portions into bowls, tears off two chunks of bread from a baguette and brings the meal to the kitchen table. She grabs the cutlery and extracts a bottle of red wine from the cupboard. "Would you like a glass of this?" she offers. "I'm having one."

"Yeah, thanks." says Tilly.

Jen pours the wine and then joins Tilly at the table. Tilly is famished and takes a large bite of the bread whilst she waits for the sauce to cool a little. Jen takes a sip of wine and watches Tilly as she gently blows on a spoonful of hot sauce. Jen, not for the first time, admires Tilly's full lips and suddenly remembers kissing those same lips. Tilly notices and raises an eyebrow. "Sorry..." says Jen flushing slightly. "I was miles away." Jen feels awkward now and the conversation halts as they both consume the dish. Tilly wipes the last of the sauce from her bowl with a chunk of bread and sighs.

"That was yum!" she enthuses.

Jen is pleased. "Do you want some more?" she asks.

"No thanks, I'm full." Tilly replies politely.

With the food out of the way, the two women are suddenly shy with each other. Tilly wonders how they came to be here like this after having been so close and then so very distant. Her mind turns back to the events of the day and her eyes start to water again. She feels exhausted and looks at Jen, not sure what to do now. Jen is similarly lost for words but makes an effort... hoping to avert the tears that threaten at the rim of Tilly's eyes.

"Listen...Tilly... about what you said at the hospital..."

"Please Jen... not today... I can't face it." Tilly feels bad as Jen looks taken aback. "Jen... I'm so tired..."

"I'm sorry. Of course you are. I'll take you home."

"I don't want to go home." says Tilly. Jen looks at her puzzled.

"You mean..."

"I want to sleep... here... with you.. in your bed... please Jen... I'll sneak out in the morning, Diane won't know I've been here. Please..." Tilly looks beseechingly at Jen.

Jen is torn. She wants desperately to respond to Tilly's manifest vulnerability but then all her old fears come flooding back... she's the teacher.. Tilly's her pupil...what if they get found out? ... and what's more ... she'd be mad to rekindle one of the most complex relationship she has ever had...plus Tilly's threats to expose her...

Her pause is too much for Tilly. Her tears are silent this time and she makes to get up from the table but Jen grabs her arm and pulls her back down.

"Wait...yes... you can stay... we can... we can just sleep." Jen reaches out and brushes the tears away from Tilly's cheek and then leans in and kisses her forehead. "But tomorrow... if you're feeling better... maybe we can talk then?"

Tilly nods and allows Jen to lead her by the hand up to her room.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's notes:_

_Thanks for all the kind comments... feel like I'm back with old friends!_

_Still busy, so can only do weekly updates at best._

_Hope you like it! / Espero que gostem da história!_

* * *

Tilly wakes up from a sound sleep and, for a moment, can't work out where she is. The room is dimly lit. A streetlight sited directly outside the window creates a faint, orange glow through the lightweight claret-coloured curtains and a digital alarm clock casts a metallic glare onto the lower part of the room on Jen's side of the bed.

As her eyes adjust to the dimness, the events of the previous day filter steadily back into Tilly's consciousness. Maddie and Neil are dead and she is in Jen's bed - somewhere she had sworn to herself that she would never venture again.

Tilly looks across at Jen who is curled into a foetus position facing away from her. She starts to reach out but stops herself before touching Jen's hair. 'What am I doing?' Tilly thinks to herself. 'I've been here before and it didn't end well.' She sits up and peers over the top of Jen to see what time it is. The clock says 4.15am. Tilly resists the temptation to wake Jen and decides she will make good on her promise to leave before the household awakes.

Tilly dresses herself quickly and heads to the bedroom door. She listens carefully before opening it, not relishing the thought of meeting Diane on her way out. The house is eerily silent. She takes a last, regretful look at the sleeping Jen, then slowly opens the door and creeps out, closing it gently behind her.

This is not her first time sneaking out of Jen's bedroom when the house is in darkness. When they had been together during the summer, a couple of times they had thrown caution to the wind and Tilly had ended up staying over. The risk of getting caught had lent an exciting, if frightening intensity to their relationship which had thrilled Tilly. She has no such feelings now as she preys for an incident-free exit. Jen had shown her which were the creaky parts of the stairs to avoid. She makes her way down them quickly and is traversing the kitchen/living room stealthily when she is stopped short by a voice coming from the couch.

"Jen, is that you?" Asks a groggy voice. Tilly freezes... her heart in her throat.

Before she can do anything, a light switch is flicked revealing her statue-like in the middle of the kitchen/living room only a few short steps shy of the front door and escape. Tilly looks over to see Sinead who is sitting up and staring at her in alarm.

"TILLY!"

"Shhhh!" Hisses Tilly, looking back at the stairs in fright.

"What are you doing here... where... have you just come from?" Asks Sinead in confusion.

"Please Sinead... you can't tell your Mum."

Sinead is quick to draw the only possible conclusion. "You've been with JEN? Are you joking me?" Says Sinead not even trying to hide her contempt.

"Please be quiet.. you'll wake the whole house!" Says Tilly in hushed tones joining Sinead on the couch.

"How long has this been going on?" Demands Sinead, in a harsh whisper.

"Just... just last night. I was really upset about the accident." Explains Tilly wondering if she'll get away with her rather large omission.

"Did she take advantage of..." Starts Sinead.

"NO! No, please it's not like that. Look, Sinead, I know you don't like her... but if anything... it was me... I kind of pushed things. Oh, please, please don't tell anyone. I don't even know... what happened. But I'm not a kid... And no-one took advantage of me." Insists Tilly.

"Alright, but... seriously Tilly...you need your head examined if you're even thinking about seeing her. She's ... weird! AND... she's our teacher!" Says Sinead, still flabberghasted but, thankfully, much quieter now.

"I know, I know!" Says Tilly, more gently.

Relieved now. "How are you doing anyway? Having trouble sleeping?" Tilly enquires, gesturing at the couch where Sinead had clearly camped out under a blanket in favour of going to her own bed.

"When I close my eyes, I'm back there again, watching the van go up in flames with Neil still inside... and Maddie getting crushed by that ..." Sinead swallows back tears and Tilly is in danger of joining her. Tilly rubs her palm soothingly up and down Sinead's back and they both fall silent.

After a long pause. "There's something else Tills..." Says Sinead, softly.

"What?" Asks Tilly.

"I'm pregnant!" This time Sinead can't hold back the tears and she falls against Tilly who holds her whilst she sobs quietly against her shoulder. When the tears subside a little. Tilly asks "God Sinead! Have you told Bart?"

"The thing is... they all think it's his... but Tilly, it's not!" Admits Sinead in a ghostly whisper.

"Not Bart's? Then who?" Asks Tilly, softly.

"Look, you can't tell anyone either!" Sinead threatens. "I slept with someone... at the party at Callum's house a few weeks ago. I was mad at Bart for being doped up on weed the whole time...Oh God, I'm so stupid... What've I done? What am I gonna do now?" Sinead starts weeping again, this time with her head in her hands. Tilly drapes her arm around her, not sure what to say. Both girls sit up sharply though when they hear a noise from upstairs.

"Here, you'd better go.. it could be Mum." Says Sinead, quietly urgent.

"Thanks." Whispers Tilly. "I'll call you later, OK?"

Sinead nods as Tilly exits without a noise.

On the other side of the door. Tilly pauses. 'Great!' she thinks. 'What a mess!' She consoles herself with the thought that at least they have both shared their secrets. She is worried though. Sinead is not known for keeping confidences.

* * *

A few hours later...

Jen turns over, not quite awake and reaches out to where Tilly had been only a few hours before. She is surprised to find the bed empty. She sits up and looks around, noting that Tilly's clothes and bag are now gone. She sighs and rubs her temples. She has a pang of regret that Tilly has left but at the same time feels a touch of relief. At the hospital, she had expected Tilly to shun her again and was pleased - delighted even - that Tilly had turned to her as a source of comfort. But then, ending up in bed together was probably not all that wise given what they had been through over the last few months. Jen could still vividly recall Tilly's coldness, her refusal to let Jen explain her actions and, worst of all, her threats to expose Jen to the college faculty and anyone else who will listen.

And yet... she had been unable to resist Tilly pleading with her to stay.

_Tilly had started crying again when they got to the bedroom and Jen had gently helped her to undress and had climbed into bed with her and held her until she cried herself to sleep._

_"I'm so glad you weren't in the crash Tilly..." She had whispered on an impulse. But Tilly hadn't made a sound so Jen assumed that her words had gone unheard._

_Jen hadn't been able to sleep though and had gently extricated herself from Tilly as soon as she was certain that Tilly was fast asleep. When she heard Diane and Sinead come back from the hospital she was afraid that Diane might knock on her door and so had headed off that possibility by getting up and greeting them downstairs. She had made a fuss of them both, re-heating the food and making hot drinks for all of them._

_When she had come back to bed, Tilly was in a deep sleep and didn't even stir when Jen got back into bed and put a protective arm across her._

'What now?' Thinks Jen. She wonders about calling Tilly or sending a text until she remembers that she deleted Tilly's number a few months ago in a fit of pique and has no other record of it. She imagines Tilly has probably done the same with her own.

Guiltily she spies her - as yet unpacked - overnight bag in the corner of the room. 'You've just started a brand new, very promising relationship and yet you end up in bed with Tilly.' Jen ponders on the fact that she hasn't spared her new love interest a second thought since the moment she set eyes on Tilly in the hospital yesterday. She can only conclude that she still has feelings for her former lover and much stronger ones than she would have been prepared to admit only a few days ago. She shakes her head. She is glad Liam is away. She can only imagine what he would have to say about all this if he found out.

She curls a handful of her long, black hair around the tip of her finger... 'Well, I can't call her and if she doesn't call me then I guess I'll just see her at college on Monday and find out how the land lies then...'. It is an unsatisfactory plan since it leaves her in limbo for the whole of Sunday but she can't think of a sensible alternative, short of tracking Tilly down in person. She is tempted to do just that... Tilly had promised that they would talk after all, but somehow, in the cold light of day, she doesn't feel that would be a sensible move.

She clambers out of bed and starts to get ready for the day.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

_Tilly's Sunday has gone from bad to worse. After getting home from Jen's house, she had tried, unsuccessfully, to go back to sleep. She had tossed and turned for a while but then given up. She had showered and changed and then gone to call on Esther hoping to learn more about the crash. She had only received a partial story from Esther the day before in the hospital. Esther had mysteriously disappeared with Bart shortly after Tilly had met up with her._

_When she arrived at Esther's house though, she had yet another shock when she learned that Jono had also become a victim of the crash. Although he had seemed OK immediately after the accident, he had a blood clot in his brain. He had died peacefully in Ruby's arms on the quayside but the aftermath that followed was anything but peaceful. When Tilly rang the doorbell at Ruby and Esther's house, Ruby was wailing and the household was in disarray. Tilly had been terribly upset at the loss of yet another of her group, but she didn't feel she could stay when Ruby was clearly distraught and Esther couldn't leave her. Tilly had left as soon as she could politely do so after offering her condolences to the family. Esther had promised to contact her once things had calmed down._

Back home, Tilly is at a loss now. Three of her best friends have died and she feels like she has no-one to turn to in her grief. Her family are away for the weekend and the house is a sad reflection of her feelings of sorrow and emptiness. She thinks about calling Sinead but is worried about their chance encounter from earlier in the morning. And besides, Sinead has enough going on with the pregnancy. She calls George, first on his mobile and, when he doesn't reply, tries his home number. Callum answers and tells her that George is OK physically, but that he is very upset and has gone to visit his family. Tilly commiserates briefly with Callum who, like her, feels a bit outside of things having also been absent from the scene of the accident.

When she hangs up the 'phone from Callum, she throws herself onto the couch in the front room. She picks up the remote control but before she can bring herself to turn it on, her thoughts drift back to Jen as she replays the night they had just spent together.

_How wonderful it had felt to be cocooned in Jen's arms, her breath warming the back of Tilly's neck. Just as she had been drifting off she had heard Jen whisper that she was glad that Tilly hadn't been in the crash. The sentiment had made her want to cry again, but she fought her feelings and pretended to be asleep. When she did finally drift off, she had avoided the nightmares she had anticipated about the crash and, instead, Tilly had dreamt about the summer the two of them had spent together. Their secret meetings in the shack, the time that Jen had driven all the way to Abersoch to surprise her...All her senses partook in the recollection, the smell of Jen's perfume, the taste of her lips, the feel of her hands on the back of Tilly's neck, the way Tilly's stomach had lurched whenever Jen had entered a room...  
_

How happy she had felt then, wanting the summer never to end. But, inevitably it had... and in the worst possible way for her and Jen.

_When Tilly found out Jen had taken the job at Hollyoaks Sixth Form College, Tilly had felt betrayed. She had always worried that she had been head over heels in love with Jen and yet for Jen, she, Tilly was just a plaything - something to be tossed away carelessly whenever something or someone more important came along. __Tilly couldn't understand why Jen had gone along with Tilly's plan about taking a trip together, all the while knowing that she was starting back at college in the Autumn which, of course, meant their time together would have to end._  


Tilly thinks back to her behaviour when things had ended between them.

_She had stolen Jen's car...told Jen in no uncertain terms that she never wanted to see or talk to her again and threatened to publicise their relationship, acting as though Jen had somehow taken advantage of her pupil._

Looking back now, Tilly is mortified at how childish it all must have seemed to Jen. She wishes she could have been more mature, calmer, cooler... And yet, the hurt was - and still is - genuine. Jen had chosen her career over Tilly and failed to come clean for reasons that Tilly still couldn't comprehend. She had surprised herself yesterday, falling into Jen's arms like that at the hospital, as if the last few months of bitterness had just dissolved away. Jen's response had also been unexpected. She could have (maybe should have) pushed Tilly away instead of taking care of her so tenderly.

Unconsciously, Tilly has dropped the TV remote in favour of her 'phone. She finds her finger has been hovering over Jen's name in her list of contacts, ready to call. When she realises what she is doing, she snaps her 'phone shut. 'This can't go anywhere!' She says to herself out loud. 'Nothing has changed after all. I'm still her pupil'.

Tilly makes a decision. She will see Jen at college on Monday, thank her for her kindness, tell her that she is glad that they have moved on, but that she had been wrong to stay with Jen on Saturday night and that it will never happen again.

She feels suddenly guilty that her thoughts are focussed on Jen instead of her friends and the tragedy that has befallen them.

She tosses her phone to one side and sighs.

She collects the duvet from her bed and on the way back to the lounge, she stops by the freezer and extracts a tub of ice cream and a spoon. She returns to the couch, hides herself under the duvet clutching her ice cream and turns on the telly.


	3. Chapter 3

Tilly calls for Esther on her way to college on Monday morning. The day is grey and drizzly and foggy and they both have the hoods up on their parkas, making talking as they walk more difficult than it would normally be.

"How's Ruby?" Asks Tilly.

"Inconsolable." Replies Esther. "She's staying at home for a couple of days."

Tilly had figured as much since she hadn't joined them, but she didn't say anything.

"Have you heard from anyone else?" Asks Esther.

"Not really. I saw Sinead, but only for a short while." Tilly doesn't mention that they had mostly talked about Sinead's pregnancy instead of the accident.

"So, what happened Esther? I mean... I can't really work it out. Were you there or not? I wasn't sure from what you were saying when we were in the hospital." Asks Tilly, curiously.

"Bart gave me a lift. We were following the others, then the next thing we knew, we had to swerve to avoid a child. We ended up in a field and the van ended up crashing into the wedding venue. After that... well... everything was just so confusing..." Esther looks anywhere but at Tilly during the course of this dialogue. Tilly is puzzled by Esther's evasiveness.

"Is there something you're not telling me Esther?" Asks Tilly, questioning but not unkind.

Esther sighs. "I can't say."

"Can't say what? I don't understand." Says Tilly, genuinely puzzled.

At that moment, they arrive at the college and step into the main quad. Esther tries to form the right words but is saved by the appearance of Jen in front of them. Jen spots them and heads toward them. Esther is surprised, believing that Tilly and Jen aren't speaking.

"Are you both OK?" Asks Jen.

"Yes, fine thanks." Replies Esther. She looks back and forth between Tilly and Jen and decides that something is going on. She makes her excuses. "I have to go though."

Tilly starts to make an objection but Esther has already marched away from the two of them and Tilly is left looking awkwardly at her feet.

"Are you feeling any better?" Asks Jen kindly.

"Yes. Thanks." Tilly is still looking at the floor.

"Can we talk later? Why don't you come to the art room last thing. I don't have a class then." Asks Jen, trying to engage Tilly to make eye contact whilst simultaneously looking around nervously.

"OK, yeah." Says Tilly hesitantly.

It's good enough for Jen though who gives her a smile and walks off.

* * *

Tilly feels nervous as she makes her way to the art room later that afternoon. She peeks through the glass panel in the door and sees Jen leaning on the corner of a desk, pouring over a set of 35 mm slides. She is absorbed in her task, every now and then picking one up and holding it up to the light then making notes in her pad.

Tilly pauses. She takes a moment to admire Jen's glossy hair falling onto her shoulder, her slight frown of concentration, her long, elegant fingers as she holds the slides up.

Tilly pushes the door and coughs gently to announce her presence.

"Tilly!" Says Jen, looking up. "How are you doing?"

"Much better now, thanks!" Replies Tilly. Tilly parks herself on another desk opposite Jen but with a desk between them, almost afraid to get too close now that they are alone again.

"Look..." Both of them start to talk at the same time. There is an awkward pause.

"You go..." Offers Jen.

"I was just going to say, you know... thanks and everything for looking after me on Saturday... But it was a mistake... me staying with you. I know it was my idea. But I don't want to go back there again... be that way with you when nothing's changed for us."

Although Jen was planning to say pretty much the same thing to Tilly anyway, she is rocked back by the sting of the rejection. She swallows quickly to hide any emotion.

"What were you going to say?" Asks Tilly politely.

"Something similar... that I'm still your teacher and it was crazy taking the risk we did on Saturday. If Diane or Sinead found out..." Jen doesn't need to finish her sentence. They have spent many hours debating the consequences of being discovered.

Tilly feels uncomfortable and weighs up whether or not to tell Jen that Sinead had caught her leaving on Sunday morning.

"But Tilly, I was glad I could be there for you. And I'm relieved that we can speak to each other again. I know we can't really be friends..."

"No, I think we've tried that." Says Tilly, sincerely, but not unfriendly.

"But, at least... I mean... I just hated the way things ended between us. Maybe we can talk sometimes?" Asks Jen.

Tilly nods. She has just decided she will tell Jen about Sinead when Jen's phone starts to buzz. The phone is sat on the desk between them and Tilly spies the name that pops up. 'Melanie'. Jen can also see the caller name and shifts her position, looking uncomfortable. She doesn't make a move to answer it which puzzles Tilly.

Tilly senses that Jen doesn't want to answer the call because she is there and so she says. "It's OK, take your call. I have to go anyway." As she does so she backs away quickly and before Jen knows where she is Tilly has pretty much sprinted out of the door. Jen rolls her eyes. She wishes she had been more decisive and rejected the call so that she could have continued her conversation with Tilly. The 'phone is still ringing so she picks it up.

"Hello stranger!" Says a confident voice at the other end.

"Hi!" Says Jen hoping she sounds more enthusiastic than she feels.

"I thought you were going to call me?"

"Yes, sorry, something came up... an accident. My landlady's daughter was caught up in it and some of my students." Says Jen.

"Oh God, sorry. Was everyone OK?" Asks Melanie.

"Not really. Four people died and there were quite a few injuries." Says Jen.

"Gosh. I don't know what to say. Is there anything I can do?" Melanie enquires kindly and Jen is touched.

"No... thanks though. And I'm sorry. I did mean to call."

"I wondered if you'd changed your mind about me. I thought we had such a good time together on Friday night."

"Yeah." Says Jen, but possibly not as enthusiastically as she should have sounded.

"Alright then." Says Melanie. Jen can sense a touch of disappointment in Melanie's voice and she bites her lip. She is clearly gearing up to ending the call. Jen decides she had better make more of an effort.

"Urm, well... when will I see you again?" She asks.

Melanie sounds a bit brighter. "I'm free next weekend. There's a wine tasting on at the local gastropub. Or we could do something nearer to you since you came up here last time."

"No, it's OK." Says Jen quickly. "The wine tasting sounds fun. Hollyoaks is so small anyway... we'd probably bump into a load of my students and that's never good!"

"Alright. Great!" Says Melanie. "Give me a call later in the week and we'll firm up the details."

"I will." Says Jen, more convincing now.

They say their goodbyes and Jen switches her 'phone off with a sigh. She had enjoyed her date with Melanie that Friday. Liam had made the introduction and suggested they go out together. Melanie and he were friends from the gym.

_The two women had met for drinks in a bar in Chester - an old haunt of Jen's from her uni days. They had chatted easily and discovered that they had lots in common. They both loved to travel, Melanie loved art, they had both been in relationships. It was a very pleasant evening. So much so that they had gone on afterwards to have a curry. At the end of the evening they had shared a kiss that Jen had found very exciting and full of promise... but they had ended it there. Jen was staying at a friend's house anyway and Melanie - a policewoman - had to get up for work early the next morning._

'Melanie is attractive, bright, funny, good company, very fit...and she seems to like me' thinks Jen to herself. 'I should really try and make this work.' Jen promises herself that she will try harder to ignore Melanie's only flaw - that she isn't Tilly.

* * *

Meanwhile...

Tilly is making her way out of college and trying not to obsess about who Melanie might be. Although she knows that ruling out being with Jen is the right thing to do she can't help feeling sad about the finality of it. She briefly imagines a scenario wherein Jen had begged Tilly to not end it between them.

'What would I have said?' She asks herself. But then shakes her head. It could never happen. Just then she is shaken out of her reverie by Sinead.

"You're here!" She says, surprised. "I assumed you wouldn't be coming in today."

"I wasn't going to but Mum's doing my head in." Says Sinead. "What you gonna do about the baby?" She mimics Diane whilst pulling a face.

Just then, Esther approaches.

"YOU!" Says Sinead, curling her lip.

"Sinead!" Says Tilly standing in between the two of them.

"How can you even come here after what you did?" Demands Sinead almost spitting in Esther's face.

Esther's mouth opens and closes. She doesn't know how to respond. Tilly is also puzzled. Bart has been watching the scene unfold from the end of the corridor and runs up to join them.

"What's going on?" He asks uncertainly.

"I don't want her anywhere near me!" Insists Sinead at the top of her voice.

"The accident wasn't Esther's fault, the brakes on the van failed!" Says Bart, taking Sinead's arm and gently pulling her away from Esther.

"You wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for her..." Shouts Sinead.

Esther uses Bart's approach to back quietly away.

"Look come on." Says Bart quietly. "Don't go upsetting yourself!" Bart tries to remind Sinead of her pregnancy by looking pointedly at her stomach.

"Oh, leave it out Bart!" Says Sinead in exasperation.

Esther has disappeared and Bart turns away as well, leaving Tilly and Sinead alone in the corridor.

"You've told him then? About the baby..." Asks Tilly quietly.

"Mum told him...he's really looking forward to being a Dad..." Says Sinead sounding exhausted now.

"So.. he thinks... he's the father?" Asks Tilly.

Sinead shrugs by way of answer.

Tilly is shocked but decides not to say anything. She doesn't want Sinead to think she is judging her. She is about to quiz Sinead on what the deal is with Esther but Sinead changes the subject.

"Hey, listen. I've just seen Keeler. They're having a memorial here at the college on Wednesday. He wants one of us to say a few words. Tilly, will you do it? Bart's useless and I'll just cry my eyes out..."

"I s'pose so." Agrees Tilly, hesitantly... She wonders if she will be able to hold it together.

* * *

At the memorial...

Tilly's terror at speaking in front of such a large crowd of people has totally taken her mind off her grief for her friends. She looks refined and elegant in a black roll-neck sweater, short black skirt and knee-length boots with a matching head scarf. The vicar from the nearby church is presiding over the service and nearly the whole of the college is in attendance along with parents, friends and relatives of the deceased. She sits at the front next to Sinead and Bart, waiting for her allotted time to speak, playing nervously with a piece of paper. When the vicar introduces her, Tilly makes her way to the lectern and turns to address the sea of faces.

A picture has been projected on a screen behind Tilly. It is a group shot of Maddie, Neil and Jono amongst herself, George, Sinead and Bart. Tilly starts by saying who the people are in the picture, pointing out herself and Sinead and Bart. She then tells a story about Jono, Neil and Maddie, each in turn. Tilly has put a lot of thought into what memories she will share wanting to make the protagonists sound good. She does a great job and the crowd silently absorb her every word, often laughing at Tilly's colourful descriptions of their youthful antics. She ends her eulogy with a poem.

"This is a poem I wrote for three of my best friends... Neil, Maddie and Jono." Tilly's voice breaks as she introduces her poem but she swallows, takes a deep breath and begins.

_We met at school, our lives just started_

_We learnt, we laughed, we cried together_

_We never thought that we'd be parted_

_So young... too soon._

_Our paths have separated now_

_Our shared journey ends_

_In my heart, you'll be with me always_

_I'll shine a light for you, my friends._

Tilly's voice catches on that last line and she struggles to maintain her composure as she returns to her seat at the front. She sits herself down next to Sinead who is now sobbing openly. Bart is holding her up but he nods to Tilly as she takes her seat. An acknowledgement of a job well done. Tilly has spoken for all of them.

Jen's heart goes out to Tilly as she watches her from the side of the hall where she is stood with some of the other teachers. She longs to go and comfort Tilly who clearly put her heart and soul into her speech and who, now that her ordeal is over, is openly crying. Jen's eyes are watering and she struggles with a lump in her throat. She looks around and sees that everyone in the room has been deeply moved by Tilly's words and her heartfelt delivery. As so often, she is struck by Tilly's maturity and in this moment, her gravitas. How many other students could pen such a simple, yet moving tribute to their friends? She wonders.

As the service ends, the parents of Maddie, Neil and Jono surround Tilly, thanking her. Most of them are in tears and Maddie's mother clings to her as if by holding Tilly she can somehow reconnect with her own, lost daughter. Tilly bears it as best she can but when she is finally released, she makes her excuses and runs to the nearest toilet.

Jen watches Tilly. She pauses for a moment, full of indecision. She can't help herself. She follows Tilly into the ladies toilet and when she sees Tilly bending over the sink overwhelmed by her own tears, she takes her arm and pulls her into the end cubicle. She closes the door behind them and wraps her arms around her former lover.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's notes:_

_Sorry for the wait. I had a whole story planned out then I ready someone else's fic and it looked remarkably similar so I had to rethink. That's why I try not to read other people's fics. Anyway... here goes!_

* * *

Tilly holds on to Jen, sobbing into her jacket and breathing in the smell of her perfume. Jen, in turn, soothingly strokes the back of Tilly's head, wishing they were somewhere cosy instead of jammed into the confines of a toilet cubicle. It is the second time in a week that Jen has comforted Tilly over the death of her close friends. She's not played this role before with Tilly. In the summer, when they were together it was all flirting and mischief - until it ended of course - when there was no comfort to be given for either one of them. Jen surprises herself with her need to look after Tilly when she is so clearly vulnerable and grieving. Especially after they had resolved not to see each other again. But Tilly's vulnerability seems to draw her in like an insect to a flame - even though she knows too well, that she may get badly burnt.

The two women go stiff as they hear someone come barging through the door into the toilets.

"Tilly? Are you in here?" Says Sinead in a raised voice.

Tilly pulls back from Jen in alarm.

Jen puts a hand over her own lips, not sure what to do.

"I'm in here." Says Tilly.

"You OK?" Asks Sinead with concern.

"Yeah...I'm fine... Can you just give me a minute?" Says Tilly, hoping Sinead doesn't spot two sets of feet under the cubicle door, which is slightly raised from the floor.

"We're gonna go to The Duck... are you gonna come?" Asks Sinead.

Tilly doesn't particularly want to, but sees an opportunity for getting out of the toilet without Sinead finding out that she is, once again, with Jen. "Yeah, I'll come, but I just need a few minutes. Can I see you over there?" Says Tilly.

"Yeah, OK. Don't be too long though." Says Sinead.

When Jen and Tilly hear the door close again, they both exhale in relief.

They stare at each other for a few seconds. Tears have dried on Tilly's face now. She sniffs sadly and Jen, once again, gives in to her unconscious whims and leans in to kiss Tilly. The kiss is long and slow and full of need...both of them revelling in the contact they have missed so much for many months now.

Tilly is lost in the kiss for quite a while but slowly her mind starts whirring and she remembers her earlier resolve. She pulls away suddenly. Jen is taken aback and watches her keenly.

"I c-can't..." Stutters Tilly, in danger of crying again.

"OK." Soothes Jen. "Sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"I have to go!" Tilly blurts and pulls back the door, nearly crushing Jen in her hurry to exit the cubicle.

"Tilly!" Says Jen in alarm.

But she is left speaking to the back of the door as Tilly hastens through it.

Jen tugs at her hair in frustration. Left, once again, pondering the wisdom of her own actions.

* * *

As Tilly walks to The Duck to meet up with her friends, the biting, cold November air hits her face and she feels slightly better. She makes it to The Duck but before she goes in, she decides she must look a fright and stops by a bench on the dockside to look in a small compact mirror and wipe away the smudges of mascara with a tissue. She checks her lips - smudged too - probably with a combination of Jen's and her own lipstick. She remembers their kiss and now regrets ending it, but then changes her mind, mentally berating herself for putting herself back there again. How come Jen is always there when I'm crying my eyes out these days? She thinks, wistfully.

At that moment, she spies Sinead and Bart coming out of the pub. They are clearly arguing. She hesitates, wondering if she should just leave them to it, but Sinead spots her and comes over with Bart trailing unhappily behind.

"Hi Tills! Glad you made it. Your speech was amazing by the way!" She says, sincerely.

"Thanks." Says Tilly.

"Yeah, really good!" Agrees Bart.

"Oh, what would you know?" Snaps Sinead angrily.

"Sinead!" Objects Bart.

"Look, why don't you just leave us alone Bart, you're doing my head in..." Says Sinead. She grabs Tilly's arm and starts walking her away from the pub and towards the road.

"Where are you going?" Asks Bart. "I thought we were going to The Duck?"

"You can go there... Me and Tills are going somewhere else... to get away from you!" Says Sinead almost dragging the puzzled Tilly along with her in a huff.

"Sinead? What's going on?" Asks Tilly. She looks back to see Bart stood where they have just left him looking nonplussed.

"He keeps going on about the baby... about what a great dad he's gonna be... but after the crash and everything... God, I can't even bear to look at him..." Says Sinead. "Sometimes I think... yeah, he could be a good dad... and you know... this could be the making of him... but then I remember all the times he's let me down and chosen drugs over me... over our friends...and I think no way. He's not fit to be a parent!"

"Sinead...don't you think you should consider..." Tilly pauses not sure how her statement will go down. "Well he's not really the dad is he? Don't you think you should tell him the truth?"

"Tilly! I'm not judging you for sleeping with our teacher!" Says Sinead harshly. "Don't judge me for this!" She warns.

"Fair enough!" Says Tilly, reasonably, knowing when she is beaten.

They have just come upon the main road and are waiting to cross in between two parked cars when they are shocked by a BMW swerving towards them and pulling up just in front of them. The sound system in said BMW has been cranked to full volume and the whole car reverberates with a heavy, thrumming beat.

The driver and passenger doors open simultaneously and two boys appear, smiling mischievously. "Hello ladies!" Says the driver. He is a good-looking boy, about their own age Tilly guesses with wavy, black hair and long eyelashes that Tilly finds herself slightly envious of. "Fancy a ride in my new car?" He offers, flashing his most charming smile. His companion- also not hard on the eye - joins in. "Yeah, come on girls. We're going to the seaside. Too cold to be walking." Tilly is about to refuse but Sinead is clearly in rebel mode.

"Alright then, you're on." She says smiling back at the two boys. Turn that sound down though, it's making my ears bleed even out here."

The two boys look at each other and grin, but Tilly pulls Sinead by the arm and turns her around facing away from the car.

"Are you mad? We don't even know them?" She asks in a hushed voice.

"Maybe I am mad!" Says Sinead. "But these boys look like fun... and I need some fun right now." She makes her way to the back of the car and opens the door, but before getting in she looks back to Tilly enquiringly.

Tilly is torn now. She really doesn't want to go... but how can she leave Sinead to go on her own. The two guys look nice enough...but it was just plain stupid to get into a car with complete strangers...

Sinead sees Tilly's indecision, rolls her eyes and gets in the car. The car driver has also returned to his seat, leaving his companion, stood, leaning on the car door, looking at Tilly. "Come on then." He encourages. "We won't bite!".

'Well of course you'd say that...' Thinks Tilly. But, she makes up her mind then. She can't let Sinead do this on her own. As she makes her way around to the other side of the car to get in the back seat next to Sinead - she reaches into her bag and checks that her mobile is handy. 'Who would I call though?' She thinks. Unbidden, images of Jen come flooding into her head. Jen swooping into the bathroom and pulling her into the cubicle... Jen holding her tight as she cried... Jen kissing her. She closes her eyes and shakes her head before slipping into the back seat of the car, trying to ignore Sinead's triumphant look.

As the car pulls away, the driver turns around to Sinead and Tilly and introduces himself as Jamie and his companion as Darren. Tilly wishes that Jamie would spend more time looking at the road rather than looking around at herself and Sinead. She puts her seatbelt on and tells Sinead to do the same but Sinead, of course, just ignores her. Sinead, in the meantime has introduced herself and Tilly and is chatting away with Jamie, seemingly not so worried about his tendency to look over his shoulder for longer periods than Tilly feels comfortable with.

Jamie is clearly the talker of the two and he and Sinead are soon bantering happily, mainly about the car which Sinead seems impressed by. Darren doesn't join in but every now and then looks around and winks or grins at Tilly. She wonders if the two boys have decided amongst themselves which girl they will go for. 'Well Darren.' She thinks. 'You've picked the short straw this time'. She wonders how she can let him know that she's gay without announcing it out of the blue and then wonders what the hell they are doing in this car with these two strange boys anyway and looks, somewhat crossly at Sinead who is oblivious and clearly enjoying flirting with Jamie.

Jamie pulls the car up at a red light and looks right around to share with Sinead a particularly interesting story about his first car when suddenly a siren sounds from very close behind them. The atmosphere in the car changes in an instant. The two boys are suddenly sat up straight and are looking around them frantically, searching for the source of the siren.

"Over there." Says Darren, looking over his left shoulder. Tilly turns around sees a police car separated from their car by only two other cars. The two cars are starting to try and manoeuvre out of the police car's way.

"MOVE IT!" Shouts Darren to Jamie.

The girls are forgotten now. "Shit!" Says Jamie. He puts the car into gear and charges through the red light, making a car that is just approaching the crossing from their right swerve to a stop with a screech of brakes. Jamie steers around the offending car and starts speeding along the road. The police car is sat behind them now and Sinead and Tilly have recovered from their initial shock.

"What the hell is going on?" Cries Sinead in alarm.

The boys ignore her. Darren is looking at his phone and barking instructions at Jamie who is now accelerating to racing speed.

"Sinead! Put your seatbelt on!" Orders Tilly. Sinead pulls at the belt but it won't pull out - the mechanism jamming because of the momentum of the car. "I can't... I can't go through this again..." Sinead starts to wail. Jamie spins around, his earlier charm has disappeared. "Shut it!" He shouts.

"For God's sake, you're going to kill us all!" Shouts Tilly, defending her friend. "Just pull over and give yourselves up... this really isn't worth it!"

"Tilly!" Sinead is about to get hysterical.

"Look, my friend is pregnant! You've got to stop this car!" Yells Tilly. To give them credit, Jamie and Darren look around at that. Jamie gives Sinead a strange, disappointed look, then looks back at his friend, then in the rearview mirror.

"We can make it to the dual carriageway..." Says Darren. "Then we can outrun them... they're only in an Escort... they'll never catch us."

Jamie grits his teeth and puts his foot down... the girls forgotten again.

Sinead is still struggling with her seatbelt and Tilly decides she had better help her friend but doing so means she has to release her own so as to reach her. She does so reluctantly, then scoots over to Sinead's side of the seat and reaches across to see if she can pull out Sinead's belt. With a calmness she is surprised that she can muster she succeeds in gently pulling the belt out of the mechanism and manages to clip it into place. Pleased with her success, she is about to scoot back to her side and strap herself back in when an instinct makes her look up and ahead just as a van pulls out of a side road, directly into the path of the BMW. Jamie has no time to stop. Instead he tries to steer out of it's path but Tilly watches as if, in slow motion, the van comes careering into the side of the BMW and she, now in the middle of the back seat, can only think 'wow, this is it' as she is catapulted forward...

* * *

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Says Maddie, poking Tilly in the rib cage.

Tilly struggles to come round... she is so comfy and warm. As she opens her eyes, the glare makes her close them again and she pulls her hand up to her face to shade them from the bright sunshine.

"Come on! You're going to burn if you sleep there all day... it's really hot. Let's go for a swim?" Says Maddie, poking her again, but more gently this time.

Tilly's eyes finally adjust enough to take in her surroundings. She is lying down, clad only in a bikini on a sandy beach with the sun beating down. She sits up and as Maddie has warned, her skin is starting to take on a pink hue. She pulls on her tee shirt, picks up the sunscreen and applies it liberally to her legs and arms.

"How long was I asleep?" She asks.

"Ages!" Says Maddie. "The boys have gone to get some more beers! Hair of the dog! You'll soon be right as rain."

Tilly puzzles over that. She must have a hangover then. That would explain why she is feeling so weird. "I know this is going to sound bad..." She muses. "But... what did we get up to last night?" Asks Tilly.

"Tilly!" Says Maddie, smirking in mock horror! "You must have been in a bad way! I thought that must have been the case when I caught you snogging that Esther... Honestly, I think you can do a lot better Tills!"

"Esther?" Says Tilly, not meaning to do so out loud.

"God, you really can't remember, can you?" Says Maddie, laughing. "Well, I think that proves my point!" Says Maddie, pleased with herself.

Just then Bart arrives in true Bart fashion, doing a somersault over the two girl's heads, landing badly and spraying them with sand. "BART!" They both yell, annoyed. Tilly rubs at the sand that is now sticking to her body where she has newly applied the sunscreen.

"Nice jump, bro!" Says Neil. Falling to a sitting position next to Bart. "The landing needs work though." He adds.

"Yeah, terrible dismount!" Says Jono, smiling and joining them, carrying a white plastic bag which he deposits gently on the girl's picnic rug and starts offering cans of cold beer to the assembled group.

Tilly looks around at her friends. They are all tanned and happy. The boys banter playfully with Maddie interjecting every now and then with the odd quip. She smiles. The sun is hot, but not unpleasant and as she takes a sip of cold beer, she feels it going quickly to her head but in a nice, dreamy way that feels good. She wonders how come she can't remember being with Esther or even anything about the night before. She decides she'll ask Maddie about it later.

Just then she spies a familiar figure. An attractive brunette, is towelling herself off after a swim in the sea. She rubs down her hair and her back before wrapping the towel around herself. Jen is so gorgeous, Tilly thinks as the figure makes her way back up the beach. Tilly is puzzled that Jen passes close by, even looks at her, but doesn't seem to recognize her.

This is weird, thinks Tilly. I feel weird. She looks at her group again. They are still chatting away happily.

"Where's Sinead, Bart?" She asks, out of the blue.

Suddenly, all four of them turn to look at her. The laughter has gone now.

"She's still in the car Tilly." Says Bart, calmly.

Tilly stares at them bewildered. They all stare back.

Then everything goes black...


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: Sorry for delay. Slight writer's block. Am hoping to post Christmas special before the big day...

* * *

Tilly's eyes are still closed...'The sun is so nice on my face...' She thinks.

"Tilly?" A voice penetrates her dreams. Tilly resists.

"Tilly?" A voice again. A strange voice. One she doesn't recognize. Accompanied by a hand on her arm, squeezing.

Tilly reluctantly opens her eyes.

She takes in her surroundings. She doesn't know where she is. She is in a room. The room is beige and white. It is sparsely decorated with a few, limp watercolours on the wall. She is laid on a narrow bed with rails and there is a white curtain that is half drawn, separating her bed from the entrance to the room. 'Am I in hospital?' She wonders.

"Tilly?" Says the strange voice again.

She turns now to focus on the source of the voice. The voice is coming from a face. The face is one she has never seen before. The face smiles at her.

"Finally, you're awake!"

"Where am I?" Asks Tilly, thinking her own voice sounds strange.

"You're in the college sick bay." Says the face.

"Sick bay?" Says Tilly, slightly alarmed. "Because of the car accident?" She enquires. She starts to sit up, feeling herself all over for injuries.

"Car accident?" Asks the face. "Your friends were in a car accident...they didn't tell me you were in the accident too" Says the face, hesitantly. "Tilly, do you remember what happened?"

"Sinead... we were in a different car accident..." Says Tilly.

"You passed out... just after the memorial. Do you remember?" Asks the face, peering down at Tilly.

"The memorial..." Repeats Tilly. "I passed out? I don't remember that..." She says, a little frightened. "But then... Sinead... we got in a car... with some boys and it crashed... I remember that..." Says Tilly shaking her head as if trying to clear her head.

"Hmm, I think that was a dream. You were at the memorial. You did a eulogy for your friends that died, then you passed out. You came here. That's it. Your friend Sinead's gone now but she was here... she wanted to know how you were doing." Says the face.

"I thought... I mean, I guess I dreamt...we were in another car accident...it felt so real." Says Tilly running her hand through her hair, wondering if she is losing her mind.

"Tilly, how much sleep have you had in the last three days?" Asks the face, kindly.

Tilly tries to recall the last few days following the crash. At the hospital... she'd seen Esther. Then later, Jen. She'd begged Jen to sleep with her and had slept but woken very early...She couldn't remember sleeping at all after that.

"I'm not sure...Not that much I guess." Replies Tilly, trying to get up.

The owner of the face helps Tilly to sit up in the bed. She raises the back so that Tilly can lean back but still be upright.

"I'm Dr Haliwell. You passed out in the toilets. I think you did so, because you are exhausted from lack of sleep. I think you should also consider grief counselling. Fatigue and exhaustion are common side effects following a tragedy like this." Says the doctor.

"I wasn't there though." Says Tilly.

"No... but I understand you were very close to some of the victims... you may be suffering from what we call 'Survivor's guilt'."

"What?" Says Tilly, dubiously.

"Survivor's guilt... you survived, your friends - sadly not. This would explain your lack of sleep, your bad dreams... but I'm not an expert... I'll refer you to a grief counsellor, OK?" The doctor smiles.

"I suppose so..." Says Tilly, frowning. "The thing is though... I had such vivid dreams. I'm finding it hard to distinguish what's real and what I dreamed."

"Well.. you were at the memorial...Do you remember that?" Asks the doctor.

"Yes... I spoke... about my friends." Said Tilly.

"That's right." Nods the doctor, encouragingly. "So... pretty much anything after that was a dream." Says the doctor.

"OK." Says Tilly. But then she remembers being in the toilets, upset. Jen was there, holding her... then kissing her. 'Was that real?' She wonders to herself.

"Where exactly did I pass out?" She asks.

"In the ladies' toilet, just outside the main hall." Replies the doctor, helpfully. Then, changing the subject. "Right, so your parents are outside. I'm going to send them in and then they can take you home. What you need is sleep. So go home, have a nice hot bath and go to bed. Here's a prescription for some sleeping tablets. You should only take them if you really can't sleep. Natural sleep is much better."

"OK" Says Tilly, meekly.

As the doctor gets ready to leave, Tilly recalls her dream again...the boys in the car, the crash. It was all so vivid, so real...

And before that...was Jen in the toilet with her? Did she comfort her? Did she kiss her? Or was that all imagined too?

"Doctor?" Tilly calls out just as Dr Haliwell has her hand on the door to open it.

"Yes?"

"How did I get here?" She asks.

"The nurse brought you here on a stretcher - with some help of course..."

Tilly decides she must have dreamt the kiss with Jen. It wouldn't have been the first time. 'This must be what it's like to lose your mind!' She thinks.

* * *

Jen is in the art room. She looks down at the papers that she has been trying to mark for over 30 minutes. She checks her 'phone again. She puts the papers aside in frustration and decides to give up. She picks up her coat and bag and makes her way out of the classroom. Before she knows what she is doing she is heading up to the college sick bay. She is pretty certain Tilly will have left by now but she thinks it won't hurt to check.

_Earlier, she had run out of excuses to hang around outside the sick bay, and had left when Tilly's parents showed up._

_Before that...it had been Jen that had sprinted up to the sick bay and brought the resident nurse back to the toilets where Tilly had collapsed in her arms. _

_Jen had been terrified when Tilly had broken off their kiss, gone deathly pale and slumped back against the door of the cubicle. Jen had spent a few moments crouching over Tilly, both hands holding her head up, trying to bring her round. She had quickly realized that she would have to get help. _

_After spending quite a few minutes struggling to manoeuvre Tilly into a position where Jen could open the door to get out of the cubicle. She finally got the door open, pausing momentarily in a panic to make sure Tilly was still breathing. _

_Jen had entered the sick bay breathless and begged the nurse to come immediately. When they had arrived, Jen had watched with concern as the nurse examined Tilly, then helped the nurse and two security guards transport Tilly on a stretcher to the sick bay to await the doctor.  
_

She arrives at the sick bay just as the nurse who had helped her with Tilly that afternoon is locking up.

"Oh hello again!" Says the nurse in a jolly voice.

"Hello." Responds Jen.

"Your student's gone home now. The doctor says she'll be fine after she's got some sleep."

"Do we know what happened?" Asks Jen, hoping her interest sounded professional and not personal.

"Exhaustion...your body just shuts down if you don't get enough sleep. She's obviously grieving for the loss of her friends." Says the nurse, confidently. "The doctor says she needs to go to a grief counsellor."

"But she's going to be OK then?" Asks Jen with relief.

"Yes, absolutely... lucky you found her though...she'd have got pretty chilly passed out in those toilets. Most people headed home after the memorial so she could have been in there over night!"

"Oh, well... I just happened along..." Says Jen, looking away from the nurse, ashamed of her lie.

The nurse smiles at Jen as she finishes locking up and heads towards the main entrance. Jen watches her leave and feels deflated. She wishes she could have seen Tilly after she had woken...just to make sure that she was OK.

Jen's mobile starts to vibrate. She takes it out of her handbag and looks at the screen. Melanie.

Jen rejects the call. She doesn't feel like she can talk to Melanie right now. Not when her head is so full of thoughts of Tilly. She sits down on one of the plastic chairs outside the sick bay and sighs. 'What the hell am I doing? Again!' She thinks. She recalls how she had not been able to stop herself from following Tilly into the toilets after the memorial.

'I'm still in love with her.' She acknowledges to herself.

Jen thinks back to the summer when she and Tilly had been seeing each other. Neither woman had admitted that they loved the other. Jen, in particular, had tried to suppress it, even trying to make out to Tilly that it was just a temporary fling between them. But she hadn't been able to keep that up for very long.

On Tilly's side, her actions after they had split implied that she had been in love with Jen, but she too had stopped short of actually declaring anything to Jen when they were together. Jen wonders whether, if they had been able to be more open with each other, they would have found a way to carry on seeing each other.

But then she shakes her head... 'No, me taking this job made that impossible.' She thinks.

Her 'phone rings again. This time it is Diane wondering if Jen will be home for dinner. She answers and says that she will.

* * *

_A few days later_

Tilly is sitting in the common room engrossed in a text book - a cup of coffee sat on the small table in front of her - neglected and cold. Her mother had made her stay at home for two whole days after the memorial and pretty much forced her to comply with 'Doctors orders' and catch up on her sleep. Tilly had struggled at first, not naturally a great sleeper at the best of times but her body had succumbed and she had spent most of the two days in bed and had done very little over the weekend.

"How are you feeling?" Asks a voice that Tilly recognizes immediately. She looks up in shock, not sure how to reply.

"Can I sit down?" Asks Jen, indicating the chair next to her. Tilly looks around uncertainly. But Jen sits down anyway. The common room is pretty empty with only a handful of other students and none of them in hearing distance.

"I was worried about you... when you passed out like that..." Says Jen.

Jen looks around surreptitiously and adds, in hushed tones, "I thought maybe... you know... I shouldn't have kissed you..." She pauses, hoping for a reaction from Tilly. Tilly is absorbing this information. Replaying the scene after having dismissed it as fiction.

"You don't remember?" Asks Jen, a bit taken aback.

"Well, actually, yes... but I thought I was dreaming. I had some weird dreams and when I woke up I couldn't work out what had really happened and what was just...my imagination." Says Tilly, frankly.

A large group of students walk into the common room, Sinead is amongst them. She spies Tilly and plants herself in a chair opposite them raising her eyebrows at Jen, her body language clearly conveying that Jen was not welcome.

"I was just asking after Tilly..." Says Jen, awkwardly. She stands up.

"I'm glad you're feeling better now." She follows up.

"Thanks." Says Tilly.

Jen stands up, takes a last look at Tilly and now Sinead, turns her back and walks away. Tilly and Sinead watch her depart.

"What was all that about?" Asks Sinead.

"Nothing!" Says Tilly, shrugging.

Sinead pulls a face. "You know she's seeing someone?" She asks.

"Urm, I" Says Tilly in confusion.

"It's some policewoman from Chester. Mum was telling me..."

Till tries to cover the pain this revelation causes. "Yes, I know... Melanie" She pretends, guessing that the name that had appeared on Jen's phone the other day belonged to the person that Jen was seeing.

"Oh, you do know..." Sinead is a little disappointed that her news hasn't had the impact she had expected.

"Well, if you ask me it's a bit rich that she..." She starts.

"Except I didn't ask you Sinead!" Snaps Tilly, glaring at her friend.

"Alright..." Says Sinead puffing her cheeks and exhaling.

They are saved from any further awkwardness by the arrival of George.

"There you are!" He says to Tilly. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes. Thanks George. God, I feel like such a fraud. I wasn't even in the crash...How are you?" She asks sincerely.

"Yeah... better I suppose. Sorry I missed the memorial. Sinead said your speech was amazing. I wish I'd come back for it now." Says George.

Tilly softens a bit towards Sinead on hearing the praise... but her mind is only partly on the conversation now. The new information about Jen has thrown her into a spin.

"Actually, I've just remembered, I left something in my locker." She mumbles as she pulls her things together and leaves the common room.

As she enters the main corridor, she is surprised to come face to face with the object of her thoughts. Jen has been waiting for her. She pulls Tilly into a nearby empty classroom and closes the door.

"Tilly, listen... I really think we should talk." Says Jen. Her words are rushed. She is clearly nervous.

Tilly composes herself. "What do you think you're doing?" She asks Jen, sternly.

Jen is taken aback by the tone of the address. "I just... you know... I wanted to talk to you... about what happened the other day.. after the crash, and then after the memorial..." She stutters.

"We've had this conversation... and we agreed that you and me are a non-starter... Remember?" Tilly's lip wobbles. She is determined that she won't cry in front of Jen this time.

"And besides... I know about Melanie..." Tilly blurts out. Unable to hold back any more, she pushes roughly past Jen, wanting to get away before the tears inevitably arrive.

"Tilly, wait!" Cries Jen, following Tilly out of the classroom and into the corridor.

But Tilly is already running down the corridor and Jen can only watch in frustration as she disappears through the set of double doors at the end.

'Great!' Thinks Jen to herself, wondering if she could have handled the situation any worse.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Author's note: _**_Sorry once again for the delay. Had been hoping to write more over Christmas but got sick...Thanks for all the comments as ever! Next one may be a few weeks as I'm off snowboarding in the Swiss alps..._

* * *

Jen is sat with Diane on the sofa. The TV is on. A cooking programme that Jen is not really enjoying. She is willing it to end so that Diane will go to bed. Finally, the credits roll and Diane yawns.

"Right...Think I'll go up now." Says Diane.

"OK. I think I'll stay up for a while. Not feeling tired yet." Claims Jen.

Diane looks at Jen strangely. Jen is normally in bed far earlier than this. But Diane doesn't say anything. She shrugs and makes her way up the stairs to her bedroom.

As soon as Jen is confident that Diane is safely in her room, she hurries over to the kitchen table where Sinead had earlier discarded her handbag and mobile. Jen had been staring at it all evening, seeing an opportunity to get Tilly's number. She hurries over to Sinead's bag. She looks around nervously when she hears a noise from upstairs but decides it's nothing. She finds the 'phone quickly. It is not a make she is familiar with so it takes a few moments to find Tilly's number but she succeeds and quickly writes down the number on the corner of the local paper. She nearly drops the device when it suddenly buzzes in her hand. She can see the preview of the message displayed on the screen. It is from Bart and it starts 'We need to talk...' Jen raises her eyebrows...deciding she would try and be less clichéd when she contacts Tilly.

She restores the mobile to Sinead's handbag, rips off the corner of the paper and breathes a sigh of relief that she has not been caught. She has been looking for an opportunity to get Tilly's number for days now. She has decided that she will ask Tilly if they can meet. She stashes the number in her pocket and goes to bed.

* * *

The next day at college Jen is late for her first class. As she rushes down the corridor toward her art room, she is startled to come across a girl that she recognizes holding the hoodie of a second girl over her face with one hand and with the elbow of her other arm pushing against her victim's neck.

"Sinead! Stop that right now!" She yells, shocked.

Sinead looks around furious, tears running down her face. But she is slow to let go her prey. Jen drops her bags so that she can pull Sinead away and, when she does so, is surprised to discover that Esther is Sinead's victim. Esther is rubbing a red mark on her face.

"What the hell is going on?" She barks. "Sinead! Get to the principal's office NOW!"

Sinead rolls her eyes, picks up her own bag and skulks off down the corridor. Jen turns to Esther who is sobbing, holding on to the lockers to which Sinead had pinned her to - trying to catch her breath.

"Esther? What happened here?" She asks, more gently.

Esther's tears fall freely, but she doesn't answer. Instead, she glares at Jen, picks up her own belongings and shuffles off leaving Jen to shrug her shoulders and collect her own things. She goes into the art room and is pleased to find her students are quietly getting on with their assignments. She congratulates herself on her latest project idea - one that has clearly gripped the student's imaginations. She walks around the room and makes a few comments on their work then excuses herself and heads up to the principal's office expecting to find Sinead there. But there is no sign of Sinead and when she asks the secretary, it becomes clear that Sinead hasn't been anywhere near the office. Jen bites her lip and wonders what course of action to take.

She picks up her mobile and dials Diane's number. She tells Diane of the scene she has just encountered and explains to Diane that she is ringing her instead of telling the principal. Diane thanks her and promises to speak to Sinead about it that evening.

"I hope this is the right thing to do..." Says Jen to Diane.

"Well...if she doesn't give me a reasonable explanation as to why she is terrorizing that poor girl, then I'll tell the principal myself!" Reassures Diane. "But she has been through a lot recently... and... well I'd rather she wasn't expelled right now... So, thank you Jen. I'll let you know how it goes. Bye."

"Bye" Replies Jen pushing the 'End' button on her 'phone.

'Great...' Thinks Jen. 'As if Sinead didn't hate me enough already...' She sighs, then her mind wanders back to Tilly, a subject that has been occupying her thoughts most of the time. She selects Tilly's number on her mobile. She worries that if she calls, that Tilly will hang up, so she composes a text.

_Tilly - please can we meet? I need to talk to you. I can explain everything. Tonight at the shed? I'll be there. Jen._

Jen pauses before clicking 'Send'. She chews her lip indecisively, but then takes a deep breath and clicks the button. She closes her eyes in a silent wish, then deposits her 'phone in her pocket and strolls back to her class.

* * *

Jen has a warm parka on and a giant scarf but she still shivers as she waits for Tilly in the shed that December night. 'I must be crazy suggesting we meet here.' She thinks to herself. She hugs herself and walks over to the window to look out into the night. The sky has a grey quality and she wonders if it will snow. Tilly has not replied to her text so Jen is uncertain if she is wasting her time or not but she is hopeful.

Her 'phone beeps and she snatches off her gloves so that she can retrieve it from her pocket. She is disappointed to see the text is from Melanie.

_'Are we still on for Saturday?'_ Asks Melanie in her text.

'Right.' Thinks Jen. 'I need to fix this.' She peers out into the darkness. No sign of anyone. She dials Melanie's number. It is answered immediately.

"Hi Jen!" Greets Melanie enthusiastically.

Jen is suddenly nervous, wishing she had planned what she was going to say before making the call.

"Listen..." She says.

"Oh, this doesn't sound good..." Says Melanie with an intake of breath.

"Look, I really like you..." Starts Jen.

"But?" Prompts Melanie, clearly wanting to get this conversation over with.

"But...I guess... I should have said when I met you... I was seeing someone... over the summer and I thought it was over but.. the thing is... I can't get her out of my head and I don't think it's fair... to you, I mean... to start anything with you whilst I'm still...well, I don't know..." Jen tails off running out of words, taking a deep breath not sure what Melanie's response would be.

"Right...well... I guess we're not still on for Saturday then." Says Melanie, frankly. She sounds upset. "Well, that's that. It was nice to meet you. Bye Jen." This last part is very rushed and Jen hears the click of the call ending before she can add anything.

"Sorry." She says out loud looking at the phone sadly.

As she sighs she watches as her breath forms a cloud of vapour in the air. She once more looks out anxiously into the night. She looks at the time on her phone and resolves to wait another 20 minutes.

* * *

"What the hell have you been doing to poor Esther?" Demands Diane of Sinead who is sat looking downcast at the kitchen table.

"What do you know about it?" Says Sinead, looking for a way out of the confrontation.

"Jen told me how she found you nearly strangling the poor girl..."

"Bloody Jen..." Starts Sinead

"Mind your language!" Barks Diane. "And if it wasn't for Jen, you'd be up before Mr Keeler and probably booted out of college! So don't you go blaming Jen!" Yells Diane.

"You and Jen have no idea..."

"Well, enlighten me then! Hey? Go on? What exactly did happen between you and Esther... And you'd better tell the truth young lady."

Sinead rolls her eyes and pouts, fuming.

"I'm waiting!" Prompts Diane, sternly.

"It's all Esther's fault...the accident...if it wasn't for her...Maddie and Neil and Jono would all still be alive. I hate her!" Says Sinead with feeling. The tears fall as she makes her accusation and Diane softens as she stares at her daughter.

"Oh love...it's not Esther's fault that the brakes failed on that van... and you kids should never have been in that bus in any case. It was all just... just a terrible, terrible tragedy." Says Diane with concern. As she says it she puts her hand on Sinead's shoulder.

Diane pulls another of the kitchen chairs out from under the table and sits herself down next to her daughter taking her hand. "Look love... you've been through such a lot... and especially with the baby...I want you to go to the grief councillor... same as Tilly. You're clearly struggling to come to terms with it all."

Sinead sniffs... not convinced but happy to go along with Diane's more conciliatory manner. She nods her agreement.

"And you leave Esther alone..." Diane follows up. "Promise me?"

Sinead sniffs again but nods her agreement once more.

"Alright then... that's that then." Says Diane satisfied. "Now, are you alright to get your own tea, love?" Asks Diane looking at her watch. "I'm going to be late for my aerobics class otherwise."

"I'll be fine Mum!" Says Sinead rolling her eyes once more.

"Alright... but make sure you do eat something OK?" Diane nods at Sinead's stomach to press her point home.

"I know!" Says Sinead unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

Diane frowns, picks up her gym bag and leaves the house.

Sinead, still sulky, stands up and walks over to the fridge and peers in. She is surprised to hear a knock on the door. She assumes that it is Diane who has forgotten her keys... not too unusual an occurrence. She rolls her eyes as she opens the door but is instead confronted by a policewoman. She is alarmed.

"What is it? Is it Mum?" She asks worried.

"No, nothing like that..." Reassures the policewoman. "I'm not here on police business. I was just passing...Look, is Jen here?"

Sinead frowns. "Oh, you must be Melanie." She says unenthusiastically.

"Well, urm yes.. I am."

"She's not here." Says Sinead, abruptly preparing to close the door - directing her anger towards Jen (unfairly) onto Melanie.

Melanie steps forward and puts her hand on the door to stop Sinead. "Wait! Actually, I was hoping she wasn't here.. I just... she left this in my car and I wanted to return it." She says thrusting a cardigan at Sinead.

Sinead's curiosity gets the better of her. "Don't you want to give it to her yourself?" She asks.

Melanie shrugs. "She dumped me!" She says, not sure why she is sharing this information with Sinead.

"Well, you are a bit old for her... she prefers getting it on with her students anyway." Sinead has said the words before she even realises but Melanie picks up their meaning instantly.

"What?!" She exclaims. "What did you say?"

Sinead bites her lip. Although she is angry and resentful towards Jen she doesn't really mean to get her into trouble... plus, what would Tilly say? She tries to think of a way out of the situation but her brain fails her, so instead she blusters. "I'll make sure she gets this." Gesturing at the cardigan and closes the door before Melanie can either object or stop her.

Melanie is left looking at the closed front door with her mouth wide open. She considers knocking on the door again and demanding an explanation. But, instead she shakes her head and walks away.

* * *

_The next day at college_

Tilly arrives at lunch time. She has had her second session with the grief councillor that morning. Although the councillor is very kind she doesn't feel truly comfortable talking to him about the accident and her response to it and wishes she really could get out of it.

She looks around the common room to see if there is anyone she knows. She spies George in the far corner and smiles as she makes her way over to join him.

"Hello stranger!" She says cheerily to George, dropping into the seat next to him and letting her bag fall heavily to the floor.

"I could say the same to you...where were you this morning?" He asks.

"My 'therapy' darling!" Says Tilly drawing air quotes with her fingers as she says the word 'therapy' and rolling her eyes at the same time.

"Ah!" Says George, smiling. "Well, they're wasting their time with you, aren't they? You are quite mad!"

Tilly nods her agreement and she and George giggle together.

"What are you doing later?" Asks Tilly. "I've only got art this afternoon, then I'm free."

"Looks like you're free all day then cos art's been cancelled." Declares George.

"What? Why?" Asks Tilly in confusion.

"Well, reading between the lines..." Says George looking around them as if sharing a big secret. "I reckon Miss Gilmore has gone and gotten herself fired!"

"Fired! But, why?" Says Tilly in alarm.

George looks at Tilly a little oddly, not sure why she has taken the news to heart like this. "Well..." Says George feeling a little guilty for gossiping now. "I don't know anything for certain... It's just... well she's definitely leaving and James Devlin told me he was outside Keeler's office and saw her come out crying and then Keeler asked his secretary to make sure all her paperwork was in order and to start composing an ad. for a new art teacher!"

"Oh my god!" Says Tilly suddenly terrified for Jen and regretting now - even more than she was before - not turning up when Jen had asked to meet her the day before. "Well, where is she now?" Asks Tilly, not caring now what George thinks.

"How on earth would I know?" Shrugs George, even more curious.

"I've gotta go." Says Tilly, standing up and hauling her bag up with her.

Tilly almost sprints down to the art room but finds no sign of Jen there. She looks around and notices that the desk looks clearer than usual and there is no scarf or other of Jen's possessions that you would usually find lying around in there. Tilly pulls out her 'phone and tries Jen's number. It goes to answer phone.

"Jen, it's me Tilly. I'm sorry I didn't meet you last night. I... can't explain it really... but I've just found out that you're leaving and... I'd really, really like to see you!" Says Tilly trying to sound calm.

Tilly heads out of the college gates and starts in the direction of Jen's house assuming that is where she would go. As she crosses the corner of the car park, she spies a familiar blue jeep parked in between two larger cars on the other side. She heads towards it and tries the door. The car is locked. 'She must be still in the building then...' Thinks Tilly and resolves to wait. She pulls her scarf tighter around her to protect her from the cold and leans against the door of Jen's jeep.

* * *

Tilly is pretty sure her whole body must have turned blue from cold when she is finally rewarded for her patience as she spots Jen making her way across the car park towards the car. Jen is looking down at her feet and Tilly's heart goes out to her... her whole body language speaks of rejection and humiliation. Tilly doesn't know the details of why Jen is leaving but worries briefly that if it is to do with her then she might be the last person that Jen would want to see.

Jen senses her presence and looks up finally. Tilly can see that she has been crying. But, to her credit, Jen does look pleased to see Tilly. Tilly steps forward to meet Jen halfway and reaches out to clutch the arm of Jen's thick parka.

"Jen. What's happened?" Asks Tilly, urgently. "I tried to call you..." She adds.

"Oh." Jen pulls out her phone. She looks a little dazed. "I had it on silent." She murmurs.

"Jen... Have you... I mean.. George thinks that you've been fired..." Says Tilly with concern.

Jen tries to focus. She looks around. "Not here." She says, firmly. "Let's go somewhere..." Tilly looks at Jen a little worried not sure she is in a fit state to drive.

"I could drive if you want." Tilly offers.

"You're not insured." Says Jen, practically. "I'll be fine... we won't go very far. Come on, get in before anyone sees us."

They both get in the car and Jen drives them out of town a little. She maneovres the jeep into a little secluded copse that is used by people to park their cars whilst walking their dogs in the woods. There are a couple of cars there but they essentially have the place to themselves. Jen stops the car but leaves the engine running so that they don't get too cold. She looks across at Tilly.

"I feel terrible about you getting fired." Says Tilly.

"Actually... well officially... I've resigned... Yeah, well. It wasn't my best day." Agrees Jen. "Do you know what the worst thing is though?" Asks Jen, but the question is rhetorical. "That we're not even together anymore... seems such a waste."

"So... it was about us then?" Asks Tilly.

"Well... you weren't mentioned by name... but yes Mr. Keeler has been informed that I've been having a relationship with a student. He asked me to go quietly. I said I would..." Says Jen, calmer now.

Tilly is angry. "Who the hell informed Mr. Keeler..." wonders Tilly out loud. She looks at Jen suddenly worried. "Look, I haven't told anyone... I swear!" But then she recalls her conversation with Sinead. "Except... SHIT! Sinead!" Tilly fumes.

"Sinead?" Asks Jen.

"It was the night after the crash... when I stayed with you. She couldn't sleep... she was on the sofa and she caught me leaving...Oh Jen. If it was Sinead, I'll kill her." Says Tilly, bitterly.

"I know Sinead doesn't like me... but I don't honestly think she'd do anything like this..." Says Jen, reaching out her hand and resting it on Tilly's leg to soothe her.

"I'm sorry...I wish there was something I could do." Says Tilly.

"Thanks." Says Jen, touched but miserable.

Tilly doesn't know what to say.

"I think... I mean I was thinking I'd go to London." Says Jen, without much enthusiasm.

"London?" Asks Tilly, her mind whirring with the possibility of Jen being so far away.

"Well... you know... no-one knows me there. Or knows you... or what I did with you..."

Tilly is suddenly angry. "Jen, we...you did nothing wrong! Please don't be like this. I'm not a child." She starts to sob.

"Don't!" Cries Jen. Tilly's tears are a catalyst and Jen gives way to her own emotions. Tilly leans across and buries her head into Jen's neck. Jen, in turn, clings to Tilly, breathing in the smell of her shampoo.

"I love you." Says Jen, half sobbing, half whispering.

"What?" Says Tilly, pulling back slightly, hardly believing her ears...wanting confirmation.

Jen pulls back from Tilly and wipes a tear from under her eye. She swallows and says. "I love you... I'm in love with you. I was in the summer, when we were seeing each other and I still am now... even after all this..." Jen's tears are flowing freely now and she does a half sob, half swallow, struggling to get the words out. "You're all that I think about. All the time..." Jen feels vulnerable after revealing her innermost feelings. She looks down at the floor, but then she peers at Tilly, hoping for a reaction.

Tilly is moved by Jen's honest declaration. She takes Jen's head in her hands and places her lips on Jen's, savouring the softness of them. They pull apart and look into each other's eyes.

"You could come with me..." Offers Jen. Tilly is uncertain whether Jen has uttered a statement or a question. "I mean to London..." Jen adds.

Tilly frowns. She thinks back to the summer when she had been desperate to hear these types of declarations from Jen. She remembers the thousands of pounds she had spent on tickets to Australia for herself and Jen. She remembers rehearsing over and over again her presentation of the tickets to Jen and her excited anticipation of Jen's reaction. Of course, the reality was very far from her imagined scenario. Jen had chosen her career instead. She can still feel the sting of the rejection. Tilly is torn between responding to Jen's vulnerability but at the same time she needs to protect herself...

She shakes her head, hardly daring to speak. "I can't." She finally squeaks.

Jen blinks back tears. She puts her right hand over her mouth.

Tilly decides she can't bear to look. She opens the door of the jeep and steps out of the car. Without turning to look back, she hurries toward the main road. Jen is powerless to stop her as the tears have blinded her. She feels the lowest she has ever felt in her entire life.

She clutches the steering wheel with both hands and leans her head against it in despair as the snow flakes begin to fall slowly and steadily onto the windscreen in front of her.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's notes: Back from skiing in one piece! Thanks for all your kind comments._

* * *

Tilly has walked a good 200m along the road, after having left Jen in the jeep. Her mind is a kaleidoscope of jumbled, jagged feelings - she can hardly string two thoughts together. She tells herself she has done the right thing. But then she replays Jen telling her she's in love with her and has been for ages.

Tilly stops. And looks around her, trying to gather herself. The road is deserted and lined on each side with tall, fir trees which have adopted a fine, white outline. She absorbs the strange, almost eery silence and notes the slight orange hue of the twilight sky. The snow is falling in large, gentle flakes all around her.

She pulls her hood down and looks skyward wanting to feel the moisture of the snow falling on her face. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head.

'What are you doing Tilly?' She thinks to herself. She fumbles in her bag for a tissue and blows her nose. 'You must actually have gone mad!' She thinks. Then she makes a decision and smiles to herself.

Suddenly, she is running back towards the little copsey car park, occasionally losing her footing and slipping in the slight slush that has formed on the side of the road. She is breathing hard from the exertion when she arrives back to find the jeep just as she left it. The inside of the car is steamed up but she can make out Jen's figure slumped against the steering wheel. Tilly quickly covers the final distance to the car and hastily pulls open the door.

Jen looks up at her, hardly daring to hope that Tilly has come back to be with her.

"Jen, please don't leave!" Is all that Tilly can manage. As she says it, she barrels into Jen, throwing both her arms around her neck. She does it with such force that Jen laughs at the shock of it.

"You're soaking wet!" Complains Jen, though without much conviction.

Jen manoeuvres herself into the passenger seat awkwardly and pulls Tilly into the car and all the way across until she is sat cozily on Jen's lap with Jen's arms around her - a little soggy bundle. Jen reaches up and pushes a few loose strands of Tilly's damp hair out of her eyes. They kiss. Slow and full of longing. Tilly's lips are cold at first, but Jen soon warms them with her own, stroking the moisture from Tilly's cheeks with her thumb as she does so.

Tilly pulls back from the kiss to pull a stubborn strand of hair out of her eyes and they both look at each other. "I can't go to London Jen... but I do love you. I think I've been in love with you from the first moment I saw you at the art show." Tilly pauses, trying to gauge the impact of her words. Jen bites her lip.

Tilly continues. "I know I got us those tickets to go to travelling in the summer and I was willing to give everything up... college and everything... just to be with you then..." Tilly pauses again. Both women look down at this point not wanting to think about that painful time. "But you knew that was stupid and you were right... I know that now..." Tilly puts her hand on Jen's cheek, wanting Jen to look at her. "I want to finish college... but I want to be with you, too. So, please... please... can we at least try to find a way to be together without having to leave the country?"

Jen feels the tears falling again. She has pushed the humiliating episode with Mr Keeler to the furthest corner of her mind and chooses, instead, to bask in the warm glow of Tilly's acknowledgement that she loves her back. She nods at Tilly and smiles. Tilly responds by pressing her lips against Jen's again. They stay like that for a while until a change in the sound of the engine pulls them apart again. Jen looks at the windscreen, now completely blocked by a thick layer of snow.

"I think we'd better get moving before we get buried alive!" Says Jen. Tilly nods and moves back to the driver's side. They both get out of the car and start clearing the snow from windscreen. Tilly mischievously tosses a snowball at Jen who shrieks with shock at receiving a face full of snow. Jen retaliates by running around the front of the car whilst sliding her arm across the bonnet, sweeping a blanket of snow off the bonnet and pushing it towards Tilly. Tilly sidesteps the missile easily and grins in triumph. Jen quickly follows up with two snowballs in quick succession. Tilly turns around so as to take the blows on the back of her coat, laughing as she does so. Jen approaches her from behind and wraps both her arms around her, both of them giggling now. They are now the only occupants of the car park. And Tilly turns around to face Jen. As their kisses become more urgent again... Jen says.

"You know... there's a pub up the road... it's a B&B as well. We could... go there?" She asks, slightly nervous.

Tilly smiles and nods. "Yeah." She says, happily.

* * *

_Later on..._

In a cosy bedroom in the 'Crown & Two Horsemen' just a few miles up the road, Jen and Tilly are wrapped in each other with a duvet bundled messily around them. They have spent quite a few hours in a very intimate rediscovery of one another. Each reacquainting herself with the rhymes and rhythms of the other's body, re-exploring the contours, using lips and tongues and fingertips.

Jen is laid on her back, the fingers of her right hand buried in the hair at the back of Tilly's head which is nestling into Jen's neck. Tilly's right arm is resting on Jen's naked torso, her fingers intertwined with those of Jen's free, left hand. Tilly sighs contentedly. She kisses Jen's neck and Jen shivers at the thrill of it...Tilly lifts her head up, pleased at her lover's reaction and kisses Jen full on the lips, savouring the taste.

"I've missed kissing you..." Tilly whispers, softly.

"Me too..." Agrees Jen, pulling Tilly's head down for another.

After a moment or too, Tilly pulls away again and nestles her head into her favourite spot between Jen's shoulder and neck. She feels her stomach rumble a little, remembering that she hasn't eaten since breakfast. She looks up at Jen. "Have you eaten today?" She asks her.

"Hmm, not really..." Admits Jen. "I didn't feel very hungry after my meeting with Keeler this morning."

"What shall we do?" Asks Tilly. "I'm starving!"

Jen laughs. "OK... well...I don't suppose they'll do room service here... but why don't I go and see if I can scrounge something from the pub downstairs?" Suggests Jen.

Tilly nods enthusiastically and says. "I'll keep this area warm for you..." Gesturing at the bed. Jen smiles as she disentangles herself from Tilly and the duvet and starts gathering up the clothes that were hastily discarded earlier.

When Jen is dressed, she leans down once more to kiss Tilly and picks up her handbag before opening the door to leave.

As she makes her way downstairs to the pub, she pulls out her 'phone and sees two missed calls, one from Liam and one from Diane. Diane has also sent a text. The text says:

_Tried to call... where are you? We need to talk._

Jen frowns, wondering if Diane has found out about her job from Mr Keeler...she may even have told Liam. She decides tonight is for her and Tilly and fires back a quick response.

_Out for the night. Can't talk now. Catch up tomorrow._

Jen decides she will face the music tomorrow and turns her 'phone off.

Back in the bedroom, Tilly has also reached for her mobile and also has a text from Sinead. The sight of Sinead's name makes her angry. Tilly thinks it has to be Sinead who exposed her and Jen to Keeler. 'Who else could it be?' She asks herself. She briefly considers calling Sinead and having it out with her but decides that it would be better to do so face to face at college the next day. Instead, she calls her mother to tell her she'll be out for the night, claiming to be studying late at Sinead's house. The tale is not without risks since Tilly's mother and Diane know each other pretty well. However, with the loss of Maddie, she doesn't have too many other options if she wants to spend the night with Jen.

Jen returns shortly afterwards bringing in a whoosh of cold air, a bag of snacks and a bottle of wine which she informs Tilly she got from the garage across the road because the pub was really busy. Tilly responds by reaching up and putting both her arms around Jen's neck, pulling her onto the bed. She breathes in the fresh air on Jen's clothes and skin as she kisses her neck. Jen protests mildly at first but quickly relents. The two of them settle in for the night snacking on the supplies and on each other interchangeably.

* * *

_The next day at college_

Tilly is exhausted, having slept very little but is buoyed up by memories have her night with Jen. She has sat patiently through her history lesson and is now making herself a double-strength coffee to get her through the afternoon. As she bends down to put the milk back into the fridge, she feels a pat on the back and turns round to see Sinead stood behind her.

"Where were you yesterday?" Asks Sinead. "Me and George were looking for you all afternoon!" She says.

Tilly suddenly feels unprepared for the confrontation. She wonders what to say... but then decides just to come clean.

"I was with Jen." She says, sounding bolder than she feels.

"Oh..." Says Sinead, with understanding. "How is she?"

"She's bloody well fired, is what she is." Says Tilly, agressively now. "Was it you, Sinead? Did you tell Keeler about us?" Demands Tilly.

"Shhhhh!" Says Sinead looking nervously about her. "Of course I didn't bloody tell Keeler!" She insists.

"Oh..." Says Tilly, the wind suddenly taken out of her sails. "Well... I don't know what on earth happened..." Puzzles Tilly. "No-one else knew about us apart from you... well and Neil... but he's dead..." Mutters Tilly. Tilly looks up at Sinead who is biting her lip and looking decidedly guilty.

"Did you... God, did you tell anyone else? Did you tell Bart? Is he the one..." Asks Tilly.

"No... not Bart!" Interrupts Sinead. "Look... I may have... well you know.. accidentally let it slip to ... to Melanie..." Confesses Sinead.

"Melanie!?" Says Tilly, her voice rising again. "Melanie... the policewoman Melanie?"

"Yeah, her." Admits Sinead, wincing. "But I mean... I didn't really tell her any details... it was more of a ... you know... comment... I can't believe she's followed up on it. Oh Tills... I really didn't mean it!" Stutters Sinead, genuinely sorry.

"You didn't mean it?" Tilly is almost yelling now. "She's a policewoman... for God's sake... what did you think was going to happen?"

"It was just... a stupid comment... I didn't mean for any of this to happen...I can't believe she would have said anything..." Says Sinead on the verge of tears.

"This was supposed to be a secret... remember... We both have secrets.. REMEMBER!" Says Tilly, staring ominously at Sinead's belly. "How would you like it if Bart finds out..." Tilly is interrupted by a face appearing around the corner of the kitchen area.

"If Bart finds out what?" Asks Bart, the owner of the face.

Sinead closes her eyes, dreading what might come next.

Tilly is angry enough to seriously consider revealing Sinead's secret to Bart... but after a few seconds she can't bring herself to do it. "Nothing..." She mumbles to Bart. She glowers at Sinead, picks up her coffee and leaves the kitchen area, leaving Bart to enquire again to Sinead this time. "If Bart finds out what? What's going on?"

Tilly leaves them to it and finds herself a space in the far corner of the common room. She fumbles in her bag and takes out her mobile. She composes the following text to Jen.

_Hi you. Are you OK? Just spoke to Sinead who said something to Melanie about us... Maybe Melanie told Keeler? Another reason for me to dislike her! Call me later? I love you. xx_

She looks at it for a moment or too before sending it. She's never told anyone she loves them before... well apart from Maddie... but that was different. She sends the text.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Jen's house_

"I'm sorry Jen but you can't stay here now." Says Diane, firmly.

Jen closes her eyes. She can feel a headache starting at the back of her head. "Diane... I've just lost my job... are you really going to make me homeless too?" She asks reasonably.

"I've got no choice Jen. You've lied to me all along..." Starts Diane.

"I haven't lied to you." Insists Jen.

"Oh really? Because I asked you about Tilly and you said there was nothing going on between you..."

"And there wasn't... " Says Jen.

"Look... I've spoken to Keeler. He says you admitted having a relationship with a student. Are you telling me it's not Tilly?" Asks Diane.

Jen rolls her eyes. "It's really no-one's business..." She says, feeling bad about bringing Tilly's name into play. "Look, I'll pack my things now..." She says defeatedly and heads up the stairs.

"Jen, wait..." Says Diane, more softly now. "Look, you don't have to go right this minute... why don't we give it until the end of the week... give you a chance to find somewhere else...". Jen pauses on the stairs. She has half a mind to just storm out of the house but she genuinely doesn't have anywhere to go and without a job she doesn't want to spend all her savings on hotel rooms just now.

"Thanks Diane." She says genuinely. "That would help alot."

Jen goes upstairs to her room and sits down on her bed looking around at all her stuff and feeling suddenly overwhelmed. Her only comfort is Tilly who, ironically, is also the cause of her current distress. She smiles at the paradox, but then holds her head in her hands. She really doesn't know what to do and feels suddenly lonely with no place to go.

She considers calling Liam and pulls her mobile out of her bag. He had called her yesterday and she had yet to return the call. She is about to dial the number but stops herself. The last thing she wants right now is a lecture which she knows she'll get from Liam if she tells him the whole story.

Jen is still staring at her 'phone uncertainly when Tilly's text comes in, making her jump. She reads the text in alarm. 'Melanie is a policewoman!' Thinks Jen, in horror. 'If she was the one to tell Keeler, then... what else is she going to do with the information?'. Jen's headache suddenly multiplies by a factor of ten and she has to lie down on the bed, her heart beating loud in her chest. 'Oh God...' She thinks. 'Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse!'.

* * *

_Back at college_

Tilly is sipping her super strong coffee and trying (but failing) to concentrate on her history essay. She is constantly checking her phone, hoping for a response from Jen whilst her thoughts stray to Sinead and Melanie who she now holds jointly responsible for Jen losing her job. She imagines what she would like to say to both of them and is so wrapped up in herself that she is startled when Esther sits down beside her, even though Esther has called out her name twice as she approached.

"You OK Tilly?" Asks Esther in concern.

"Yeah, fine... you?" Enquires Tilly, distractedly.

"Yeah, I'm OK... well... you know..." Says Esther.

Tilly takes a moment to look at Esther and drags herself back into the here and now. "Hmm. You don't sound OK." Notes Tilly. "What's wrong?" She asks.

"Well... it's just..." Esther takes a gulp. She has been working herself up to this all day. "The thing is... yesterday..." She pauses, struggling with the words.

"Yes..." Says Tilly, encouragingly, wondering why on earth Esther is so tongue-tied.

"Yesterday.. Sinead...she was having a go at me... about the accident. She thinks it's all my fault..." Says Esther. Tilly frowns with concern at the news.

"Bloody Sinead..." Tilly starts, now with another reason to be mad at her friend.

"No... but... wait... it's not about that ... I - she - was having a go at me and Jen... Miss Gilmore came along and she broke it up and she was all... you know saying that I should stand up for myself and stuff..." Tilly's ears prick up as Jen's name is mentioned but she is still non-plussed at the direction that Esther's story is taking.

"What are you talking about Esther?" Asks Tilly, gently.

"Well then.. later on... I was outside Keeler's office and she was on at me again... saying that I should tell Keeler if I was being bullied and saying how when she was at school she was gay and she was picked on and ...well she kind of annoyed me... and then when she left... Keeler came out and said he'd overheard me and Miss Gilmore and was there anything I wanted to tell him... and then I said... you know cos I was so mad ... I mean.. it was stupid... but I sort of... well implied... that Miss Gilmore was maybe a bit too close to one of her students... you know to stop him focussing on me... But I didn't mean..."

Tilly was struggling to follow Esther's mutterings but the connection between Keeler, Jen and Esther was too obvious to ignore. "You said what?" Asks Tilly, trying to hold on to her temper.

"I just... said.. I didn't really say anything.. I just implied it...I swear I didn't mention any names... your name..."

"Christ Esther! What were you thinking?" Tilly is holding back because the common room is starting to get crowded but she is looking at Esther like she wants to murder her.

"I know... it was so stupid... but I didn't really... I mean he didn't have any evidence did he... I would have denied it... I can't believe she's gone!" Says Esther through tears.

"He didn't have to have evidence did he... he just bluffed it out of her..." Jen had told Tilly what had happened with Keeler and with this new information from Esther, Tilly realises that Keeler had had very little to go on. He must have decided to simply bend the truth a little and tell Jen that he had evidence of her relationship with a student. He would have assumed that she would deny the relationship if she was innocent or confess if true. She had obviously done the latter. If Jen had only taken a risk and denied it, then she would still have her job.

Tilly is furious with Esther, but holds back on sharing exactly what she thinks of her given that she is clearly full of remorse for her stupid remarks. She is also aware of Esther's treatment at the hands of Maddie, Ruby etc and more recently Sinead and feels slightly guilty that she hasn't done more to protect her. At the same time, she can't bring herself to forgive her.

"I can't believe you'd turn against Jen like that when she was just trying to help you..." She says as she picks up her stuff and walks away, leaving a distraught Esther crying into her handbag.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's note: Here's a shortish one. Apologies...a bit rushed. No time at the moment. _

_Feeling nervous for actual storyline..._

* * *

Jen pulls the duvet tight around her. It's early and the room is chilly. She guesses the heating hasn't come on yet. She sighs. She hasn't had much sleep. The events of the last couple of days play heavy on her mind. Armed with the new information about Esther which Tilly had shared with her the night before, she looks back at her interview with Keeler with even more regret.

_"Miss Gilmore... I've been informed that you are having an intimate relationship with one of the female students here at Hollyoaks College. The evidence is pretty convincing so please don't insult either of us by denying it..." Keeler had said in what Jen now realises was a bluff._

_"Who told you?" Had been her rather damning response._

Back to the here and now, Jen shakes her head. 'If only I'd denied it..." She thinks. Keeler had convinced her to resign and 'go quietly', promising that he would take the matter no further. But, he had informed her that he would not be able to give her a reference for any type of teaching job. Without a reference, Jen would be unlikely to secure another job in a school, therefore ending her teaching career.

Tilly drifts into Jen's mind... the underlying cause of all her troubles... but also the only good thing she has going for her at the moment. She remembers her initial efforts to push Tilly away. Could she have prevented all this if only she'd been a bit stronger? But if she had fought her feelings successfully, then her and Tilly wouldn't be together now. She thinks back to the summer and Tilly's tempting invitation to fly off together just the two of them. If only she'd agreed... But Jen knows such regrets are futile. She squeezes the bridge of her nose with her finger and thumb fighting a headache that is threatening. 'This just isn't helpful!' She says to herself as she pulls the duvet up over her head and tries to go back to sleep.

* * *

_Later in college_

Tilly is worried about Jen. They had spoken on the 'phone last night and Jen had once more expressed the desire that the two of them up and run away from Hollyoaks. Tilly resisted of course, but she is frightened that Jen will go anyway - with or without Tilly. She has also never seen Jen so down.

Tilly had fallen in love with Jen's natural ebullience and vivacity. This is the person who would get up at dawn just to celebrate a beautiful sunrise. Tilly hated hearing Jen be so negative about her own prospects, although she obviously understood and sympathised with her reasons.

Tilly bites her lip wondering if she should just cut out of college this moment and go and find Jen. She is on the brink of making the decision when she is approached by a downcast looking Esther.

"Tilly?" Says Esther meekly approaching Tilly from behind as Tilly leans against her locker.

"Oh... Esther..." Says Tilly, distractedly.

"Have you... spoken to Miss Gilmore?" Asks Esther, looking round, careful that no-one should overhear.

Tilly frowns. "I'm not sure whether I should tell you or not...after what you said to Keeler..." Says Tilly.

"I know... I'm so sorry. It was so... stupid. I couldn't feel worse if I tried. I really didn't mean to get her into trouble..." Says Esther, genuinely.

"What's this about?" Demands Sinead, popping up from, seemingly, nowhere.

"Nothing!" Insists Tilly, looking around in horror now.

"What does she mean... get her into trouble... Is she the one who told on Jen?" Demands Sinead, looking at Esther through narrowed eyes. Another excuse for her to dislike Esther.

"No, please Sinead!" Says Esther, desperately, her eyes wide.

"She did, didn't she?" Says Sinead, looking at Tilly now.

Tilly pulls Sinead none too gently to the opposite side of the corridor which has a small corner by the side of a classroom and is consequently slightly away from the crowd of students milling in the hallway. Esther follows.

"For God's sake Sinead... will you shut up?" Hisses Tilly.

"Well... you can't blame me now..." Says Sinead, thankfully lowering her voice now.

"I can blame you and I do blame you!" Says Tilly, quietly but firmly. "Because you still told Melanie - a policewoman no less - and we still don't know if she's going to do anything about it... do we? I can't trust either of you, so don't even bother asking me about anything." Tilly pushes Sinead away and storms off down the corridor, leaving both Sinead and Esther looking after her, regretfully.

* * *

_At Jen's house_

Jen has finally hauled herself out of bed and is stood listlessly in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. She is still in her dressing gown, her hair tied messily into a pony tail. She is surprised out of her reverie by a firm knock on the door. She pulls her gown more tightly around herself and cautiously opens the door.

"Tilly!" She almost squeals with delight as Tilly cannons into her arms.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at college." She says in mock consternation.

"I was worried about you." Says Tilly, frankly. She studies Jen's eyes, trying to gauge her mood. "Where's Diane?" Tilly asks, looking around.

"Does it really matter now?" Asks Jen, sounding deflated again. But then says. "She's gone to the gym and then lunch with... someone... can't remember who. She should be a few hours, anyway."

"Hmm...place to ourselves then." Says Tilly raising her eyebrows, teasingly, her arms still tightly around Jen's waist.

Jen can't help but grin and takes Tilly's face in both her hands and kisses her firmly. "I'm glad you're here." She says, softly. "I was feeling really sorry for myself this morning." She admits.

"That's why I'm here." Says Tilly cheerily. "And... I've brought these!" As she says it... she extracts a pile of newspapers from her shoulder bag. "It's all the local papers. We need to find you somewhere to live! And a great, new job!"

Jen smiles at Tilly's enthusiasm. "It may not be that easy Tilly..." She says, sighing.

"Well, not with that attitude!" Insists Tilly, determined not to let Jen slip back into negativity. "Come on... I'll make us some tea... Have you even had breakfast yet, lazy bones?" Asks Tilly, extricating herself from Jen and making herself busy in the kitchen.

Jen smiles again and shakes her head. "Not yet... wasn't feeling that hungry." She admits.

"Well, I'm starving... what shall I make us? Eggs?" Suggests Tilly.

"I'll make breakfast..." Says Jen, infected by Tilly's more positive mood. "You can look through these and find me another room to rent."

"OK!" Says Tilly pleased that she has managed to engage Jen in the task.

As Jen busies herself in the kitchen, Tilly sits down at the kitchen table and quizzes Jen about what criteria she should apply to her accommodation search in terms of cost, location etc. She then takes out her orange highlighter pen and applies herself to her task. Jen pauses in what she is doing to watch Tilly pour diligently over the newspapers and smiles fondly at her. She makes up her mind to put Keeler and the job behind her and focus on her and Tilly and moving forward and feels better for making the decision.

"I think this is a day for Eggy Bread." She announces with a grin.

Tilly looks up and nods enthusiastically. "I LOVE eggy bread." She says approvingly. Jen rewards her by wrapping her arms around her from behind and kissing her neck and cheek.

"I love you." She whispers into Tilly's ear.

"Me too." Replies Tilly, contentedly.

* * *

_Later on..._

Jen's good mood is wearing thin. Tilly has returned to college to attend a class leaving Jen to see three of the rooms that she and Tilly had picked out of the paper. They have all been horrible. She realises now how good she has had it at Diane's house even with Sinead's obvious distaste at having her there. Diane has proved to be a friendly and accommodating landlady and has made her feel at home right from the very beginning. The people she has met today have made it all too clear that although they want her rent money, they don't really want a stranger in their home.

Jen trudges back into the centre of Hollyoaks taking care not to slip on the pavements which have a layer of compacted snow which has, in many places, turned into ice. As she wanders into the village, she considers just heading back home and going back to bed before shaking herself and resolving to stick with it. As she makes her way to the little shop, she is startled by a hand on her shoulder.

"Liam!" She says, in relief as she realises who it is.

"Hello you! Why haven't you been answering your 'phone?" He asks, straight to the point as always.

Jen hesitates and bites her lip, knowing exactly how her brother will react to her news. "Do you fancy buying me a drink?" She says, gesturing towards the pub.

"Alright then." Says Liam, intrigued.

Jen slips her arm through his as she steers him to the pub, suddenly sorry that she hasn't shared her news with him earlier. Despite the lecture she knows she is about to receive, Liam is one of the people in her life who does genuinely care what happens to her. Having felt desperately low and lonely after 'resigning' from Hollyoaks college, she knows that he'll ultimately support her.

They find a quiet corner of the pub and over a bottle of red wine, Jen tells Liam about getting back with Tilly and subsequently losing her job. After the anticipated eye rolling and the 'I told you so's. Liam is sensitive enough to register Jen's distress and puts a protective arm around her.

"So what now?" He asks.

"I need somewhere to live... Diane's given me to the end of the week." Says Jen.

"Nice!" Snorts Liam, clearly unimpressed with Diane on his sister's behalf.

"It's not her fault..." Says Jen, fairly. "She does work at the college."

"It's none of her business." Insists Liam.

"Regardless. I can't stay there. And I have to say, everything else I've looked at today, I couldn't bear to live in for a moment." Says Jen, passionately.

"My mate Dave's looking for a lodger..." Says Liam.

"Your mate Dave!" Scoffs Jen.

"Hey... beggars can't be choosers..." Says Liam laughing at Jen. "Besides, he's got a nice place. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."

"Hmm, alright then." Says Jen.

"I'll give him a call." Says Liam, flipping open his 'phone.

* * *

_Dave's house_

Liam has accompanied Jen to Dave's house and is sat next to Jen on a sofa bed, covered by a garish throw decorated with large, yellow sunflowers. Dave and his girlfriend, Luce, are sat on the couch opposite. The flat is one of five in a converted old Georgian mansion. The decor has seen better days thinks Jen but it is large, light and airy and Dave and Luce have kept it pretty neat. She appraises Dave and Luce as Dave chats enthusiastically to Liam about football or some other subject equally unappealing to Jen.

The couple have been very friendly and the four of them are currently sharing another bottle of red wine, generously offered by Dave. When there is a lull in the conversation, Dave turns to Jen and says. "Well, what do you think of the flat Jen?"

"It's great!" She says, enthusiastically, wishing she didn't feel quite so tipsy. The bedroom is very large with great, big Georgian sash windows. It also has it's own loo and a sink and shower meaning she'd only have to use the communal bathroom if she wanted a bath. Such independence is very appealing. However, the other communal areas are quite communal. The room they are sat in now serves as kitchen/dining and living room. Jen decides that unless she is to spend the whole time in her room, then it's essential that she get on with these people.

"The thing is... I should say... well... we'll be sub-letting the room to you without the landlord's knowledge." Admits Dave, slightly apologetically.

"Oh, right!" Says Jen, uncertainly.

"That'll be alright..." Says Liam on her behalf. Jen glares at him.

"Well... it's not great..." She says. "It means I won't have a leg to stand on if Dave and Luce decide to turf me out at a moment's notice..." She says, embarrassed to be pointing this out when the subjects are sat right in front of her.

"Dave's a mate..." Says Liam, looking embarrassed.

Dave smiles a charming smile at Jen. "It's alright Liam." He says reassuringly. "Look, we don't want to mess you around... we just need a bit of help saving some of the rent before the baby comes." As he says this, he puts a protective hand on Luce's stomach. Luce smiles sweetly and nods at Jen. "We can sign a bit of paper if you want...we could do like a trial or something?" He suggests with his most winning smile.

Jen wishes her head was a bit clearer. Normally, she would reject this situation out of hand, wanting to feel secure in her lodgings. But as things stand at the moment, she has no job... a fact that will not make her a very attractive choice as a tenant. 'What the hell!' She thinks - the alcohol suppressing her normal inhibitions.

"Well, you've been honest with me and you are Liam's friend so I should be just as honest as you..." She says taking a deep breath. "I've just lost my job as art teacher at Hollyoaks college because I was...well, in fact, I still am seeing one of the students there. If I take the room here, I can give you three months rent in advance. But you'd need to be OK with my girlfriend coming over every now and then... well as often as possible actually... and you'd need to be OK with the fact that she's only 17." Jen feels she should stop talking as it's now Liam's turn to glare at her.

"You didn't tell me you were still seeing her... are you crazy?" Asks Liam, in hushed tones, clearly shocked.

"Two lesbians... brilliant!" Says Dave rubbing his hands together enthusiastically. Luce pokes him in the ribs but smiles indulgently at him.

Jen ignores Liam and addresses Dave and Luce. "Well if you can handle all that... then I'd be happy to take the room." Says Jen, smiling warmly at Dave and Luce.

"Who are we to stand in the way of true love?" Asks Dave, looking at Luce, then back at Jen when Luce nods her approval. Jen smiles, warming to both of them at their immediate acceptance of her situation.

"Great, I'll move in tomorrow then shall I? Will you be around to give me a hand Liam?" Three sets of eyes turn to Liam expectantly. It's too much for him. Liam breathes out, accepting defeat and nods his consent.

"Excellent! Let's have another drink then!" Says Dave pouring the wine into their three glasses, but not, Jen now notices, into Luce's glass.

"To new friends!" Says Dave raising his glass.

The four of them join in the toast and Jen relaxes into the sofa whilst Dave and Liam dominate the conversation again.

She looks around again, pleased with her choice, trying to picture it through Tilly's eyes, deciding that Tilly will love it too. She realises that this will the first time her and Tilly will have a place where they can just be by themselves. She suddenly feels brighter than she has done in days and can't help smiling at her companions. 'Maybe this won't be so bad...' She thinks to herself as she takes another sip of her wine.


End file.
